We touched in secret, long before we met
Your words like subtle balm to soothe my soul
To mend a tattered heart, bid me to forget
The shackles of my own appointed role.
So as you gaze into the velvet night
Wrapped in my arms, I feel you ease inside
My safe embrace feels ever just, and right
Your heart beats quick and strong against my side
The haloed moon sends beams on breezes
Fanning conjoint fires, as skin finds naked skin
The brush of tender fingers ever pleases
And teasing tongues in playful lust entwine
This night is all our conscience will allow.
The slow return of day shall see us part
A just and necessary sin is how
You shall endure forever in my heart
We touch in secret, understanding yet
That words of love leave torment in eclipse
A ragged heart can’t easily forget
Your taste remaining ever on my lips.
Author notes
Completely revised version of this poem...
A contest entry
- love gone wild by Naughtygrlred.
1000 points, ended April 23, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write A Love Poem by Borntowriteforever.
900 points, ended June 26, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - This Heart Of Mine. by TheSpiralGenerator.
750 points, ended July 4, 103 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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judge's comment
nicely done, and thank you for entering. -
I likeee! It's beautiful, and sad, and tender and well constructed.........
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Any revisions that you apparently made must have only enhanced this because it's still filled with a true longing and sadness that can be felt by the reader. Very nicely done...
Stacy -
nice, thanks for entering
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Oh so beautiful, sensual and filled with adulation. Your words very captivating and alluring. Such a saddened ending to have to say goodbye.
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We touched in secret
I have revised this poem and would be interested in your opinion.
Thanks
Michael -
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michael, it's hard to comment on something that was already brilliant; however, i have read this several times. each stanza could stand alone which makes for a truly masterful piece. the rhythm and rhyme, in my opinion are very much perfect [didnt count the syllables]. the only thing that kind of didnt grab me is this line [And playful tongues in playful lust entwine]. perhaps [with playful tongues in a teasing entwine?] otherwise, i found this piece to reach out and grab the reader and draw them in to a world of great reverence, filling one with corporeal sensations. i love the revised version, time well spent.
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Thank you!
Great praise! Your comment is really helpful, getting too close I missed the repetition of 'playful' here. A slight revision so that the line reads
'And teasing tongues in playful lust entwine'
Not quite your suggestion, but I like the alliteration there. -
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you are quite welcome, glad i could be of service.
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A secret rendezvous perhaps? Written with longing and passion..very nice
Love,
Stacy
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We touched in secret
I have revised this poem completely, I would appreciate your opinion on the rewrite.
Thanks!
Michael
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