Was a steady spring breeze on the full beach,
seagull's were cawing, sun high in the sky.
Bonfire burning, laughing children played,
fisherman cast their rods close to the pier.
Volleyball game had grown quite a large crowd,
hamburgers and dogs on a nearby grill.
A lifeguard watched surfers catching their waves,
sailboats tacking across the small bay.
Cart selling ice cream did a brisk business,
skaters weaving and dodging through the throng.
A nearby church bell tolled out it was noon,
a beautiful Saturday all around.
Stepping barefoot into waist deep water,
he slit his wrists and walked to go greet death.
Author notes
"Don't die live life"
G r i s w o l d
I do not condone suicide nor do I glorify it,
in fact I feel it is the cowards way out,
the most selfish act a human can commit.
When God wants you, He will take you,
do not presume to do His job for Him.
In a list
A contest entry
- I've gone insane! Prewrites contest!! by Englandgirl2008.
550 points, ended April 24, 155 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A poetic retelling of an unfortunate seduction by cookie-monster.
400 points, ended September 14, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Really, give me your opinion!
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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This is beautiful, though the end-bit is a little on the 'emo' side. I love this form; I've attempted one myself, and what better inspiration than Laura? She is very talented, as are you, for being able to make this work.
I'm going to hold off on making any decisions about this one just yet. Perhaps you'll be in the finals; perhaps not; but we shall see...
Thank you for entering
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nobody is listening to the rhyming rule.. sorry. good wreite though
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You wanted it to rhyme? Oh jeeze, my bad. I'm so used to people NOT wanting rhyme and that's pretty much all I write. My mistake, so sorry...Scott
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A very powerful poem you have weaved here. I liked how you made it happy and.. serene like in the beginning. However, that is the realisation of suicide. It can be over-looked, or it could be happening now.. but nobody knows.
The imagery in this brings back sadness inside of me, because I never really enjoyed summers. Seems like such fun.
The ending hit me hard and it's haunting. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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Ok second comment on this:
I really enjoyed this piece. Great
image given when reading it. I loved
the last part:
"Stepping barefoot into waist deep water,
he slit his wrists and walked to go greet death." -
I really liked this one
thanks for entering -
unfortunately many are drawn to it... love the imagery of my very favourite place... tragic ending
good luck
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This reminds me of another poem..but i loved how it flowed...its such an interesting poem..wow im getting alot of great entries..I enjoyed your twist
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This takes me back to my days in Savannah. Saturday's on Tybee Island and my daughter. Beautiful!
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This write really does cause one to reflect. You paint a very vivid picture with the detail in your words and I sure didn't see the end coming!
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The imagery was great. The idea at the end was devastating. The contrast was well blended. The blunt, abrupt ending was fitting, I feel, and had it been written any other way, it wouldn't have worked out. So good job.
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Wow...
This one sure hit like a ton of bricks
Well penned and good luck in the contest
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"Stepping barefoot into waist deep water,
he slit his wrists and walked to go greet death"
WOW you totally blew my mind, the imagery was wonderful, and the twist at the end absolutely outstanding. Great work.
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I love how you've set the scene in the first three stanzas... And it is very mature of you not to cast an opinion in the couplet at the end as to the man's actions especially as your feelings on this touchy subject are so strong. A strong write and the ending is very effectively written.
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Excellent
Ah, 'tis a fine write, with a rather surprise ending.
Very well written. Thanks for sharing this one with us.
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I quite liked the last stanza as it was quite amusing. However, it was not very elegant:
Stepping barefoot into waist deep water,
he slit his wrists and walked to go greet death.
How did he step into waist-deep water? Surely he would have had to waddle out a bit? There was no previous mention of his razor-sharp knife so surely that was cheating a bit? And (even though I can understand your having been tempted to go for the triple G in go-greet-death, surely it would have been more elegant to say "go AND greet death" ?
No matter, you gave me a good laugh at the idea of someone slitting his wrists on a beach full of kids. And I love the idea of fat ugly people slurping on hamburgers on a beach. So 3 claps.
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The poem is outstanding...it plays right along with the irony of the suicidal mind. I must say the poem is shocking in that the lovely day for some is glorious and for another is the end of life itself.
The AN's I cannot agree with though. Suicide is not always a cowardly act, for some it is the only escape from a tortured and hopeless situation. One of my best friends committed suicide and he was a brave and loving soul. He suffered from untreatable depression and mental illness. He tried so very hard to live like everyone else. He loved his family and he loved me and his other friends. I know he left because he simply could no longer stand the over whelming sorrow and fear he lived with for so many years.
His illness was to blame for his death...not his being a coward. Mental illness is a deadly as cancer or a car accident.
I enjoyed the poem and I thank you for sharing it.
Many blessing to you!
Az
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wow...outstanding...i love the scene you set...every picture is crystal clear, down to the scents...a twisted walk through words and emotions...brilliantly tragic...beautifully sad...love love this one
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This was wow...i couldn't even do you justice with any comments...Bravo!
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