jim sobbed, his body shook
with raspy jerks of breath,
the passing of his loving wife
cut to the core of his existence
he stood and tried to walk away
from her grave, falling face down,
wishing he could blend with the dirt
that would soon be his wife
sifting the dirt between his trembling
fingers, he caught some in his palm,
put it in his shirt pocket, close to his heart,
smiled and went home with his wife
Author notes
Don't die live life
M I C H A E L S A V A G E
A contest entry
- I've gone insane! Prewrites contest!! by AngelsKissesJenna.
550 points, ended April 24, 155 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ROUNDS!!! Enter your BEST prewrite! by pinksnowboots.
700 points, ended May 12, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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A heart touching and full of emotions poem. like it.
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80
Title: 4/5
Originality: 5/5
Emotion: 5/5
Grammar/Spelling: 4/5
Flow/Structure: 4/5
Imagery: 5/5
Metaphor: 7/10
Memorable: 8/10
Thinking Effectiveness: 10/10
Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 9/10
Rules: 10/10
Overall: 9/10
Total:80
This was very deep. I think that you could have used more metaphor though. I liked how abstract this was and how you give the reader time to put in their own thoughts of the story, how it just resonates with emotion. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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I was deeply moved with this piece, you would love to think our spouses would love us that much in that terrible moment of realizing they are passed on never to be around you again. Wonderful ending too. Blessings.
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A deep and moving piece. Thank you for sharing this here with us on AP. All the best to you always.
Lily ♥
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so sad and heart wrenching love ...I hurt..and felt the pain..Love you Angel♥
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this made me wanna cry even more then I already am from the last poem. This was really good poem and i enjoyed this piece. Thanks for entering and good luck
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