Hot swirling air
Peppered with the essence of salt
In the background
a sound of water
Exacting its vengeance
On the bodies with sun-soaked skin
With children laughing at the sea's rage
And I propped in a chair
Polyester feel on my back
Sipping at a carbonated drink
Feeling it fizz down my throat
I stare out at the tossing froth
And smirk at the mermaid
Who miles away
Watches the children with fins
Build castles out of shells
Laughing
Enjoying a day at the beach
Author notes
Written March 5th, 2004
A contest entry
- I want about Anything good by hatingthispain2.
335 points, ended August 16, 2005, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I personaly think this is a wonderful poem and that open minded people will understand it, but the people who aren't willing to broaden their way of thinking to include people other then themselves wont get it. Keep up the wonderful work
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I can see how it's funny. This is a great poem, and I loved reading it. Keep up the good work! This was an excellent write, you described the feel of the soda perfectly.
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okay. don't listen to taderdntorn and gloomy. even if i do agree that the humor is a little ... well, in all honesty i'm having a hard time seeing it ... it is still a very sweet poem, very calm like a contented giggle. ... i don't know what was up with that description i made just now, but i like your poem. it's not bad at all. don't listen to what other people say just because you're too unique and they simply don't get it. you are a wonderful writer. i am not exaggerating. please don't be discouraged. and i'm sorry, maybe i'm just a little irritable right now, but people like that just make me mad.
keep writing, you're good at it
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first of all, Good luck. I was attracted by the title, mostly. Coke rocks. It takes a lot of talent to turn something many others wouldn't even look twice at into a descriptive poem, and you've managed it.
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this is a very good poem and you have put good humor in this piece. Good luck in the contest.
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good
Hello.thanks very much for entering my contest with this discriptive piece. it was very discriptive and i could imagine myself there. good writet thanks for the applaud and the enter.
Kylee -
You have a very sad sense of humor, all I can say..spare us another write like this, please..
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your a douche whore
ok this poem sux my big balls! it was very stupid and i dont EVER want to read anther one like this from you....OR.... i will cut your fingers off and shove them down your throught....and i will then tie you up and feed you to the paronas in the hudson river! -
I found the irony of the poet calmly observing a mermaid in the ocean amusing. You did a nice job on the visuals. Not a guffaw producing poem, but good nevertheless.
Jennifer
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