He slid to close in the dark steering away from a drift.
She waited quietly wondering if she should leave,
perhaps there was sickness and he took over someone’s shift.
He was careening alone in the night trying to weave
between the trees and ditches, the suffocating black.
She clung to her last cigarette.
Smashing and crashing to close to leafy attack.
Red tinged her cheeks, how could he forget?
God what he would do if he could just get some light!
leaving the path had been a mistake.
As the cliff came in view he held on tight.
The jerk was probably just a flake.
She disappeared down the street, cold and alone
He bled in the snow all night, cold and alone.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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he's terror stricken and cold...she alone awaiting a ride...unknown the danger...of her driver on a dark lonesome road trying to reach her...love this piece...well-written narrative of events...love peace and harmony
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Now here is talent....
such visuals in such a compact piece lass...
not only that...but how you made the story...in format and length....
to get the biggest bang for the reader.....
there was an unknowing suspense....
Just a joy to read when someone knows
how to place words and characters in a piece for maximum impact......
this makes your sweet comment and golden smile valued so...
knowing ...yes...this is a comment from an artist.
Bless you always little gypsy....
Liam
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hahahaha I am so sorry you had to read that, that is one of most hated pieces actually, and I beleive I got an F on it, it was an assignment, and I wrote it in the midst of writers block (which I still have) so it was just a fumbled attempt at rhyming which is not my strong suite and I am embarrassed that you should judge me a good poet by my weakest piece (well there are weaker probably, but it is definately a flop)
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Wow sis.
The only word I can describe this with is epic.
I love how you made each stanza switch between characters.
I have never been able to do that and honestly im jealous.
Bloody good job sis.
Love
Bryce
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