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insomnia

Missing image

 

 

 

 

insomnia

 

       is walking
      down a clean,
 colourless staircase
           but never quite
         reaching the bottom



or having visions
that spin
like blades of grass
through a silver cutter

             and knowing the green
             should be tall enough
               to hide you

 

 

 

     insomnia

 

 
is like taking a cold bath
with only enough water
to cover your feet and wrists
         and expecting

 

 

 

to drown

 

 


quietly

 

 

 

 

Author notes

image credit

In a list

A contest entry

.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • RechercheCadaver
    May 18

    Edit | Reply
    I love how you speak in images, and present the reader with a rich sensory experience. Also, I enjoyed your placement of lines, it helps the flow a lot, and this piece is great to read, very well composed.


  • Night Terrors
    May 11

    Edit | Reply
    i am suffering from this right now you really did a great job.


    The Positives:

    wonderful style simple yet elegant

    Room For Improvement:
    Nothing I can see you did wonderful



    My Favorite Part:
    or having visions
    that spin
    like blades of grass
    through a silver cutter

    and knowing the green
    should be tall enough
    to hide you



    i really loved this part
    Overall:

    I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~


  • white stone
    May 5
    Edit | Reply
    Don't I know it...
    Elegantly written.

  • Topnotchsy
    April 29

    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome!! As someone who has dealt with insomnia for years (I guess most people have at some time in their life, but few to the degree that I used to) the staircase was a perfect analogy and hit home strongly. I used to work on relaxation techniques and walking down staircase was actually one of the techniques, yet it never seemed to work. This took that idea and really painted the picture. Awesome!!


  • Kathleen a Nazarene
    April 26

    Edit | Reply

    Potent!

    This may not be what insomnia is like for many, but you bring great imagery to this & leave the reader in wonderment. This is quite a journey into the sleepless night you portray here. Really like this. You present this well. Interesting pix & like the way you start this with the pix prompt! Ending fits well also. Bravo!

  • KaylynKhaotic
    April 15

    Edit | Reply

    This is really good.

    This really made me think for a minute. I'm still not really sure what your trying to say to be honest. But I like that it made me think....Hmm, I think you should add to it, Make it more uhmmm, Forward, With what your trying to put forth in this poem.


    • silverscent gold member
      April 17
      Edit | Reply
      It's just about how insomnia can make the mind twist things and mess up the order of normality. I'm sort of glad it confused you somewhat because that was the idea...after all insomnia in general can be quite confusing.
      Thanks so much for the comment on this, and my others.

1 - 7 of 7