Shades of grey color your chafed eyelids
as my finger tips race across them
urging blinking irises to open
and pushing breath into your cayenne lungs.
Cornelian wrinkles in my thumb brush
side of your neck, afraid to find
no beating of a mercury heart
- my palms stay on top of the
plastic tubes etched into your heart
the stitches that have only unraveled-
my fingernails dig half moons - anorexic
as their world spins out of control, into
the empty coin slots where your coin
ribs should be- trying to pressurize
your smog painted heart into beating.
I've always loved you, breathed your breath
jaded with the asphxia and midnight colors of hope
but only now as my blended rainbow eyelids
intake the way your pallor is fading grey
are we linked- your stardust soul
with my skyscraper hip bones
As shallow breaths tumble from your lips
this is our most intimate moment
bound into the decaying spirals of a cycle
while your body bleeds out
we are intimate.
As I watch you die- there are so many
more things to see.
Author notes
14\150
In case its not clear- its about how one of the most intimate moments can be watching someone die, it can be just the being the last person to be with them.
A contest entry
- Breaking up by Nostalgic Moon.
1200 points, ended May 18, 33 entries
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Comments
-
WOw That is sad and yet very intrigueing. I found myself captivated by this.
The Positives:
You used some very intresting descriptions. I really loved what I saw. You had wonderful imagery.
The Negatives:
Nothing that I saw great job.
My Favorite Part:
I've always loved you, breathed your breath
jaded with the asphxia and midnight colors of hope
but only now as my blended rainbow eyelids
intake the way your pallor is fading grey
are we linked- your stardust soul
with my skyscraper hip bones
This was just so well written it really stood out.
Overall:
I give this a 9/10 it was really very good. I am very glad you entered it, I hope to see you in my future contest. Thanks for entering!
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
Quite a different and unusual take on the prompt.
This shows that each person has their own ideas
about the same things. Thanks for entering and
good luck.
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