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April Snow

sudden April snow
wild winds rattle rafter beams
razor cold cuts to the bone
just as the silence
echo's softly through the night
yet unspoken lovers' sighs

In a list

A contest entry

this is a work in progress,constructive comments

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • SteveS gold member
    October 23

    Edit | Reply
    This poem has the effect of a strong wind that lasts one second and has the reader left still and windblown.


    • Draig aine gold member
      October 23
      Edit | Reply
      thank you, it was about the Nova Scotian wind, gale force often, thanks for the kind words they are appreciated


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    Love this sweetie
    A wonderful tanka
    I have been sick but feeling better
    Just posted a new one today hope you come see me it's a dark write
    Best of luck in the contest
    It's a winner in my book
    Hugs
    Your sis
    Susan~~~


    • Draig aine gold member
      October 19
      Edit | Reply
      i am blushing now my moon sister, hope you feel better soon, me too I am sick of being sick


  • sheltered
    September 23
    Edit | Reply
    nice alliteration
    but at
    compromising of brevity

    I think

    not like I don't way over-do that
    but
    hey


  • whitecoffee
    September 5
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful


  • Eric Marsh
    June 26

    Edit | Reply

    the less the more

    this is one of those poems that i read over and over again.....i eventually cease seeing the words but feel them....great stuff...
    your a star that's
    what you are
    lol
    keep cool chillin and groovin...


  • whitecoffee
    June 3
    Edit | Reply
    very good stuff. I am also a huge alliteration fan, love it


  • individuality gold member
    May 20

    Edit | Reply
    a good poem that wrap sudden flakes; as white as light in a dream of spring, into cold reflective jagged winds of steel, and silence slips to rhythmic wings.


  • DolceVito gold member
    April 14
    Edit | Reply
    Perfetto, bellissima, sensual


  • Aelten
    April 12

    Edit | Reply
    This is so lovely
    I've read it out loud a couple of times, just wonderful.
    "wild winds rattle rafter beams"
    Thats a line that just is fun to say...
    Best wishes,
    Khia


    • Draig aine gold member
      April 12
      Edit | Reply

      my humble thanks and a grin!

      I was not too happy to see snow this morning when longing for spring!


  • azure85 gold member
    April 12

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice pair of sedoka, that have a sad echo of hearts with the sound of wind. Good luck in the contest!


    • Draig aine gold member
      April 12
      Edit | Reply

      my humble thanks and a grin

      so disappointed to see snow today, spring is cold and windy here, a harsh spring
      makes me homesick sometimes

1 - 20 of 20