Waiting for you to Rise

Out of the darkness she crawled
Straight into my broken heart,
I couldn't see nothing left of me
When she tore me apart
As i awoke to the thirst
Of immortality cursed
I was left to feed on the essence of man
Until the sky turns black
And hope no-longer burns these eyes with promise.

Now i lye cold

Like marble in a morgue;

Senses quickened to the point of forsight,

Desensortized to demise

Breathing morbid fascination,

Waiting for your death's empty presence to rise.

A contest entry

Tell Me a Story by Lime Ocarina. 700 points, ended April 22, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

What did you think

Comments

By me, right now

Adding your comment:
DecorusApparatus
April 20

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Well first up, thanks for the entry but from a critical perspective there were quite a few problems with this poem. The tense kept changing, there were some common spelling and grammatical errors and it was in first person which this contest wasn't looking for.
I like where you're going with this but it could do with some polishing.
individuality
April 11
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ah the curse of immortality, i have always thought on this with immortality - what if the world explodes! would the immortal then be frozen in space, drifting forever, not able to move - there is always a price for something. a good poem, slabs of marble, waking the dead.