Palace Ashes.
Constant in your character,
Resident in the mind.
Pastel black intentions – chisel-quick, refined.
Fleeting looks aplenty,
Daggers cloaked for grace,
Bathe sweet dirt with virgin’s tears
For dirt will know it’s place.
Jest not for the Jester,
Fool not of the king,
Applause for nil suspicions,
Forge not this violent fling.
Danger evokes –
Trade a beaker for this star-bright chalice,
The remains of a castle,
Death of palace....
Birth of a Queen.
Author notes
Option One.
A contest entry
- April New Members Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended May 6, 49 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Great Job
Well written with good form and flow. Beautiful imagery with the words
Good work
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
Oh wow! You took those words and gave them life. The story line here is full and deep. I think you did a great job and would like to check out more of your writing.
Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.
Storm
Site Greeter -
Jest not for the Jester,
Fool not of the king,
Applause for nil suspicions,
Forge not this violent fling.
i think you meant to say just not for the jester other then that it was cool thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest -
welcome to allpoetry
Love those closing lines, great write.
♥
Shawna
Site Greeter
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Very interesting.
Usually I say poo on red backgrounds. But it works here. -
I liked the flow of the tale.
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welcome to allpoetry
Nice... I like the theme you have going here, it tells an interesting tale. A wonderful and creative use of the word bank. Thank you for sharing.
Good luck in the contest!
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Welcome to All Poetry~
A stellar use of the word bank.
Lovely form and images.
*Suggestion*
I would economize on the punctuation. The beauty of poetry should 'elevate' or rise and prosal
uses can weigh it down.
Let it f l y!
One more, but a preference on my part. I would
not use a capital at the beginning of each line.
It, too, can hinder the light and silken beauty of
this most exceptional piece.
If/when you edit, please reply in a separate
comment on this page.
Thank you so much. Warmly, CookieZeal
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I loved this stanza "Daggers cloaked for grace,
Bathe sweet dirt with virgin’s tears
For dirt will know it’s place." Wonderful imagery and flow. Good luck in the contest.
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One Would Not Have It So
OK. It's great, but there's an ellipses, which it is best to avoid. Transitions of time may be indicated by semi-colons better, indicative as they are of a transition of ideas, as distinct from a continuation of subject by way of comment that the colon gives. The ellipses indicate an omission, and thus, in general, state the author has omitted, either by way of failure of understanding, negligence of their subject or readers' concerns, or from sheer laziness, to elaborate in writing on what they either should or could have, but not would have.
Thus one would see..well, in AP comment one cannot indent, so I shall leave it up to the imagination to replace what seems lacking here.
***************
Were it death of "a palace" or of "palace" in general as a concept? Especially with the homophonemic "pal ace" to contend with in understanding the piece, if only potentially, it becomes a real issue, at least to this reader.
But no matter. Onward - if this is indicative of Potential, a Right Royal time awaits us all of AP.
Which reminds me, whatever happened to the pea that the Princess slept upon? 
Master Anarchy
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I like your comment/critiquing. Need this kind at our site more! Thank you. We love our poets.
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Welcome to Allpoetry~~
you have painted a very fine picture with tehse words. Thank you..
good luck in the contest
Happy Days ahead..
Archana
Site Greeter
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Wow, this poem is beautiful. At least, in the words that were used. I can't figure out what it's about though. I have an idea, but I would really like to know from you, yourself. If that is cool. ???
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Thanks for your copy and paste comments
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Welcome to Allpoetry
I thought this was superb. The flow was effortless and unbroken, your word choice was wonderful. I love the use of punctuation I think it looks very well structured. A perfect write in my opinion, it gets all my stars.. or it would if I had stars to give
Good luck in the contest
Laura. -
Welcome to All Poetry~
A beautiful use of the words and theme is special.
I love the content as well.
*Suggestion*
I would use punctuation minimally . Poetry must 'ascend'.
Thank you for a wonderful entry. CookieZeal/D
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