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'just friends' are cold words.

I need to find a cure for insomnia.

I cannot fall asleep
without spending at least three hours
thinking of what I possibly did wrong
to make you leave the way you did.

whydoesthisalwayshappentome?

when I was with you, I blossomed.
my hair became brighter
and my mother even asked
if I dyed it to look golden,
I smiled internally
because life felt richer
just being with you.

allgoodthingscometoanend.

and now, green with envy
I watch you with her,
the girl who’s hair is the same color as mine,
the girl who took my place.

but honey, he'll leave you too,
after all, I was you
for a couple months.

Istillneedtobewithyou.

It’s true, I need you,
you are the only cure to my insomnia.
when we were together
I couldn’t distinguish between dreams and reality.
I loved your every flaw,
because in my eyes
they were little unknown perfections.

myheartisyourstokeep.

I gave you all I had
so don’t leave me wandering
this earth abandoned and raw.

Author notes

I will wait for a thousand years if I have to

s i d e r e a l
11.
Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return.
-T.H. White

every word is completely true, my mom ACTUALLY asked me that :\ it was weird. and my hair happens to be the same color as his ex's. he told me that the first time we met :\ it was odd.

ugh, this is not good, not good at all. sorry ):

17/150

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • aanika
    April 11

    Edit | Reply
    i like the stanza after the first italicized part

    and the part about the flaws being unknown perfections.this is so cute i love it.


  • Candy Morphine
    April 10

    Edit | Reply
    whydoesthisalwayshappentome?'
    -I know this is stupid to comment on, but i like the way you wrote this with no spaces. It really reflects the stanza above and instead of seeming frantic, it seems exhasperated.

    and my mother even asked
    if I dyed it to look golden
    -What i like about this is it shows how happy you were. It really mirrors how no one has ever made you feel that carefree, and i like how you've written it as if someone else was watching the transformation. That line hit home and i can relate alot.

    after all, I was you
    for a couple months
    -I LOVE the way you format things. The spacing of this makes it read so much better then if it was just simply one line.

    I love that quote and you wrote to it with intensity.


  • letters to no one
    April 10
    Edit | Reply
    Forgot these:


  • letters to no one
    April 10

    Edit | Reply
    "I need to find a cure for insomnia.

    I cannot fall asleep
    without spending at least three hours
    thinking of what I possibly did wrong
    to make you leave the way you did. "

    I'm right back to being here about him....ugh

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE all the sentences you typed without spaces - I do that a lot and I think they really add to the meaning of what they're saying.

    "Istillneedtobewithyou.

    It’s true, I need you,
    you are the only cure to my insomnia.
    when we were together
    I couldn’t distinguish between dreams and reality.
    I loved your every flaw,
    because in my eyes
    they were little unknown perfections.

    myheartisyourstokeep.

    I gave you all I had
    so don’t leave me wandering
    this earth abandoned and raw."

    The flaws thing too, is something I can relate to.
    I've written it an infinite number of times in the past months.

    Perfect imperfections, eh?

    This.
    This is marvelous.

    Good luck love


  • new born
    April 10

    Edit | Reply
    i am utterly in love with everything up to this point:
    allgoodthingscometoanend.

    soo critique-y time!
    but honey, he’ll leave you too.
    after all I replaced you for a couple of months.
    eeeh. try:
    but he'll leave you too,
    after all, i was you
    for a couple months.
    -
    you are the only cure to my insomnia.
    you basically said this at the beginning. try:
    you are the only antidote for my insomnia.
    less repetitive.
    -
    when I was with you
    so many 'yous'! try: when we were together

    last line of this stanza: unknown should be known.
    -
    this earth cold and alone.
    try using synonyms to make this less cliche.
    this earth shivering and desolate.
    if that's too long, just go to thesaurus.com & look up synonyms for 'cold' and 'alone.'

    otherwise, this was pretty good. not your best, but still sad and beautiful.


  • written-in-ink
    April 10

    Edit | Reply
    I couldn’t distinguish between dreams and reality.
    I loved your every flaw,
    because in my eyes
    they were little unknown perfections.

    ----------------------
    bleh i feel like that sometimes....


  • coloringmysenses
    April 10

    Edit | Reply
    Oof! How is this not good?! :0

    I fell in love with this from the very beginning. I really like how you make those words into one just because it makes it beautiful in a totally different sense. It's different, and that's what I adore about it. It gives it a sense of: >.<
    Not to mention, the story in this poem was beautiful!

    I'm entirely too jealous of this piece.
    <3


    • etoile
      April 10
      Edit | Reply
      thanks!
      I now have a tiny bit of faith in my not-so-good writing haha.
      <3

1 - 9 of 9