Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

My First Haiku

Him, the lie that is
Shielding himself to stay sane
Establishing himself whole

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    April 11

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to AllPoetry

    I have to agree with Laura about how this is almost simplistic but it speaks so much louder once read

    A fantastic Haiku
    ♥
    Enjoy AllPoetry
    Stays afe
    ~Manda
    Site Greeter


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    April 11

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    I love this... In its simplicity, it still manages to speak volumes to your reader, which is always a plus if you're a poet We poets are strange creatures, but like cheese and wine, we get better with age; If this is your first poem, I bet you'll be amazing by the time you're my age (almost 23... yikes, I'm old)

    It seems here that you're going for a traditional haiku, with the 5-7-5 syllable-count... except that your last lines has 6 syllables. Consider rephrasing to fit the form

    Well done & keep it up!

    Laura
    Site Greeter