Her brilliance shone
in quick witted repartee
opening doorways in
sophisticated conversations
As maturity honed
the edges of perception
polished the luster
of iridescent intelligence,
friendly faces
grew transparent
revealing the subtlety
of sinister smiles
Contorted inner souls
lurked behind passive masks
Bitter voices stated:
"her intelligence is overrated"
Emotion radiated in spirals
from the heart of all who passed
twisted tangled lines
of anger and envy
entrapping unwary innocence,
wrapping her tightly
squeezing, in a warm
suffocating embrace
till breath faded
into dark night whispers
Turning her face
from the sneering shadows
her sentences trailed
so none could follow
thoughts running free
on the verges of reality,
balanced on the tightrope bridge
spanning the void of delusion
Author notes
This poem is written for all those who shine so brightly when young then suffer from mental illness as maturity changes the chemical balance of the mind.
A contest entry
- EXPERIENCED POETS NEEDED by Summer Dawn.
525 points, ended April 12, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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friendly faces
grew transparent
revealing the subtlety
of sinister smiles
This section caught my attention - this is so true of time and friendship I think. Revealed we still smile and move along the course.
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ah mental illness, sometimes i think we are all mental in our own subtle ways, there is no label we can throw on, some are mildly mental, other wildly, it's all in the air we breathe. i was mental when i was young, i am still mental now i am older, a good poem.
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Thank you all for your comments it is always interesting to see the different responses that people have to poetry I think that is one of the things that constantly amazes me and makes me realise how individual writing can be. It would be a boring world if we all liked the same things. The rhyme was intentionally used and placed. I think that the topic is one that is so deep and so diverse that to truly explore it would take more than one poem. I hope that this merely brings awareness of some of the difficulties.
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amazing
Hmm. I had taken it in a completely different way before I read your Author Notes. I guess poems mean something different to each person.
I felt what was felt in this poem while I was reading. IT is very well expressed. The wording you used couldn't fit more to the context.
This poem makes me feel angry and sad.
I guess I can relate to some of the feelings you describe.
You are a very good writer.
I'm very impressed by this poem, it might even give me nightmares
In reading some previous comments I realise how poems can be ripped apart by people's opinions. Just know you are brilliant and that this poem is also brilliant.
MAria -
Good luck t’ ye n’ a fair wind blow. Fair wind n’ followin’ seas. I ‘ave pleasure in sayin’ that this be a right fine poem an’ piece of litteryture ye ‘ave ere an’ this I swear to merciful ‘eaven that if a lily-livered rumpot is t’ tell ye diff’rent he’ll go down wi’ the tide at me own hands.
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As a poem, I was not horrible impressed. It was, however, a poem with a good meaning with decent, though shallow, metaphor on a topic that is deeper and contrasted with more "iredescent luster" than the poem truly stated. However, though there was no alliteration, there was the occassional rhyme which was good, though perhaps unintentional.
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Interesting
I actually feel that this work touches on the death of childhood innocence quite well whether intended or not. For that, I enjoy it quite a bit. The second stanza flows a bit strange to me, but that's just an opinion of course. The imagery of "Sinister smiles" irks me, but I can't really figure out why. -
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The death of childhood innocence is definitely a part of this poem and probably plays a large part in the disillusionment of so many people. I'm wondering whether you found "sinister smiles" to be a bit of a lazy definition, a little cliched, maybe thats why it bothers you?
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beautiful poem
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