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Follow The White Rabbit

Down the rabbit hole and back
again, just a floating smile
in my mid-air. Is it always there I wonder?
I mean I think I know it is, but I
know that I think it sometimes isn't.
Who has the time these days for mad tea
parties and the such? Always so late, and whanot.
At least I think I know I am?
It's getting hard to be someone somtimes
but in the end it all works out,
with a few days lost overall, the clock being
exactly two days slow, still only a year ago,
but you know I know that it's
all a dream, but when we wake up
I know you know that it's all
real in the end, and you know
that I really do love you and you
really do love me.

Author notes

Hope you enjoy!

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • lostskylark
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    i don't think there was much 'imagery' in here. it more kept ideas and scenes that are easily associated to an image from its inspiration. but its a nice piece, i like what you make of it.


  • HaydenMessenger silver member
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    That was refreshingly different. While some parts seemed deliberately confusing (like dead ends in a maze) others made sense to me, though they might not to others, and though I might not have drawn from them the same meaning you originally placed there. Good times. I mean, good write - I took something away from it.


  • the Hunt
    May 23

    Edit | Reply

    No much imagery

    I didn't get much imagery from this poem, more of a philosophical monologue, but I liked the monologue. After I read through it a few times I found some nice chunks of thought.


  • Gods only child
    May 19
    Edit | Reply

    great

    i really liked the imadry in your poem- and it was an overall wonderful poem


  • Junkyard
    May 7
    Edit | Reply
    good poem really liked the imagery

  • ocerus
    May 7

    Edit | Reply
    I like this. The mention of the chesire cat lends a lot of reality to the idea presented here that you love her, she loves you, and that you both see that together. Nice!! - oce


  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    May 7

    Edit | Reply
    It's getting hard to be someone somtimes
    sometimes

    love is really all that matters isn't it. i wish you well in this contest that you have entered and thank you for sharing this with me tonight. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    May 7

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    A fair take off from the story called: "Alice in Wonderland", which I read many years ago. Imagery, was done quite well. Thanks for sharing.


  • Night Terrors
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    Alice in wonderland the book was actually a very twisted dark tale. I am glad you used that element to really discribe your emotions


    The Positives:

    Great imagery and very origional

    The Negatives:

    Nothing that I see great job



    My Favorite Part:

    It's getting hard to be someone somtimes
    but in the end it all works out,
    with a few days lost overall, the clock being
    exactly two days slow, still only a year ago,

    This part was really awesome I really thought that this was great


    Overall:

    I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~


  • Aussie Gypsy gold member
    April 18

    Edit | Reply
    This is a well written piece. I liked the journey it took me on to something and somewhere different. I wonder if putting a few stanza breaks in a few places might have given this more space to breathe. well done


  • motel silver member
    April 14

    Edit | Reply

    I like where you took this ... the reader is taken down the rabbit hole to something completely unexpected in this write.
    thanks.
    good luck in the contest.


  • trekkergirl
    April 12

    Edit | Reply
    Reminds me of alice in the wonderland... a few misspelled words but other than that I have nothing bad to say about this write. I thought it pretty good myself. Thanks for sharing this with us.


  • XXAgedWithDespairXx
    April 11
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm an interesting thought. Good Luck

  • cirque du soleil
    April 10

    Edit | Reply
    Down the rabbit hole and back
    again, just a floating smile
    in my mid-air.

    I think those lines are my favorite. I like the way you start this poem. I like the flow, and the ending is great. Bes of luck in the contest. I like the way you put a question mark at the end of that line, to depict a hint of uncertainty.
    Keep up the great writes!

1 - 14 of 14