I stare into your wide eyes and see beneath the surface
all the cruel things you've done to me. My rage ignites.
You beg me to let you go but your plea falls on deaf ears
Everything good in me is dead, killed by your betrayal.
I grab you by the throat
fingers digging into your soft flesh
my face hard as stone, as cold as ice
as I whisper in your ear
" Scream for me, bitch ."
Feeding off the pain in your eyes, easing the pain in my mind
I squeeze with all my rage, my claws draw blood.
As I bring out the knife
twirling it casually around, you cry
sobs of terror wracking your beautiful body,
the first emotion blooms across my face
pure, utter sadistic pleasure, as I grab your arm and slowly,
oh so slowly, draw the knife across your flesh.
Your blood blooms beautifully and my breath catches in my throat.
So bright, so red...I'm seized by a frenzy,
a bloodlust, and knife darts out, stabbing, slashing.
All the while, your screams, like music to my ears,
echoes throughtout our bedroom.
Blood stains the sheets, the walls, even the ceiling.
As I calm down once more, I realized your screams are gone.
I look into your eyes and see, all of your life, flashing by as you die.
Author notes
Wow, writing this was a very intense experience. Any feedback you have would be appreciated. By the way, this is a rough first and I will be constantly improving it until I think it's done (If any poem can truly be 'done.')
What did you think of my poem?
Comments
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...
I'd have to say it is much better, the flow itself has been improved...
4/5 for the poem, and 5/5 for the coloring. You get 4/5 for the message. And a 4/5 for the picture that the poem gives
Grand total of 17/20 -
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Intresting, i feel that it could use some work.
not every line needs a '.' or a ',' in it. I don't like the yellow siding, it draws away from the black and white color scheame
i will give a 4/5 for the poem, and 2/5 for the coloring. You get 4/5 for the message. And a 4/5 for the picture that the poem gives
Grand total of 14/20
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