sometimes I'm the statue at Riviera park
unnamed,
frozen in the winter of my own eyes;
furthermore, a coma lost among phrases like
lovers-holding-hands or
children's-laughter.
but if I sit here long enough
I could choose how to be carved. either
in different names:
swearing goddess, ice-salted-love-star,
and maybe the rocky ribs
of regret - either this, or
just
blissfully ignored where
words like love and loss won't
ring a bell anymore.
I'm the statue that
becomes and becomes,
the weather-stricken softness
of a stone who can choose the
future of her fall;
either the moon's drunken dance or the
movement
of a bird without body.
Author notes
i'm not sure about this. so it's ok - you can scream about how bad it is.
A contest entry
- statues in the park: part one by Nicolette.
1500 points, ended April 17, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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just
blissfully ignored where
words like love and loss won't
ring a bell anymore
rings deep silence Namithaji
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I will scream because I envy how good you are...hehehe
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Oh my! I haven't been reading you enough of late. My loss
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Great imagery and wordplay.As always. :/
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quite lovely. you write with such elegance, and you clearly have power and control over your diction. i loved it
-cassidy
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i too was wondering about the "coma" but then i realized you've meant to use it (instead of comma)...a sense of being lost, unconscious, without laughter and love, missing out... very imaginative, Namita - but then, I'm not really surprised!
I really liked this poem; the way you've played with the idea of a statue not being stone or constant, but also able to change and to choose; the way you've made us all identify with her; the process of "becoming"...not just being. So much truth in that!!
This is great poetry and there are so many phrases here that I wish I'd written. Beautiful.
Thank you for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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but if I sit here long enough
I could choose how to be carved. either
in different names:
swearing goddess, ice-salted-love-star,
and maybe the rocky ribs
of regret - either this, or
just
blissfully ignored where
words like love and loss won't
ring a bell anymore.
.....love dese words....actually ur writing doest tel wt age u are nd dats an excellent compliment to have....happy vishu namitha!!!
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everything you write is beautiful. whoo. you never cease to amaze me.
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this is lovely, all things weather
the weather-stricken softness
of a stone who can choose the
future of her fall;
as one who is conversant with geology, I appreciate the thought behind the words
Venu
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I like the idea behind this poem of a statue that is not stagnet at all but that continues to be formed and to become the becoming of existence. Wonderful work.
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furthermore, a coma lost among phrases like
either this is a really good play on words with coma/comma or it is a typo lol and i would think the former here. a good poem.
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haha it isn't a typo
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I'm with tara, this is good. Really good.
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i think i will scream.... at how amazing this is!!! i have been wanting this last spot in this contest..lol...but everything i scribbled down wasn't even close to this beautiful poem, sad, but beautiful poem, and the ending makes me feel a choosing to be a lightness even when we're feeling heavy as stone... best of luck, luvvy
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Its beautiful....I love the way you describe the statue and use the first person for it.
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Standing Ovation!
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Yeah, I'll scream...about hoe AWESOME this is! LOL!
You are such an inspiration Nami.
You know, it was your poetry style and few others here on AP that persuaded me to pursue free verse because I was convinced that rhyme was more acceptable and worthy.
Thank you hun.
Love, mj.
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awww thanks MJ! I was very unsure about this one, I've done lots of weird stuff here, lol.
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Well your weird is wonderful and beautiful.
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Wow, this was very well written. Your metaphors and imagery were excellent! I liked the line "frozen in the winter of my own eyes." Just stood out to me. Congrats on a very nice peice!
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