A summer song, a sonnet sung,
A tasteful tune trips off my tongue.
The wistful words whose wit is warm
Are feeling filled in fit and form.
A mellow mood, like morning mist,
So softly swirls but soon desists.
Its fervent fog is fatal fluff,
Its beauty bold, its balm a bluff.
So sing no soft and sensuous songs,
Whose lure is lust which lasts not long.
For beauty's balm is borne above,
And life's allure is lasting love.
Author notes
Wrote this a few years ago and have always liked it. Tried to duplicate it a couple of times but no luck. Hope you like it.
Written March 4th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Fascinate Me With Your Words by megansafteryou.
300 points, ended June 10, 2005, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Its my BIRTHDAY soon and I want GREATNESS!!! by AureateCorona.
700 points, ended April 10, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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i am smiling here
i was stuck in the second line with the tongue and thinking about drink. i like this, it is smooth flowing and good. spill ink and all that jazz. a good form piece. and i see before i click enter, that i have been here befre with what i was saying.
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well i have tried to talk to you in the past but you ignore my mind so...
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Beautiful
Your flow is always so perfect. I love how you are able to place eloquent words so perfectly in your works. Love it!
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you rocked this poem
it had it all
love it -
such a lovely poem. I loved it. the rhyme and metter were flawless. I love it.
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hahah... daddy i had no idea you wrote this! haha....
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i like it! the alliterations give it a beat and rythym and they don't at all distort the message or emotions.
good luck in the contest and thanks for entering!
-AC -
WHOA!!!! This is absolutely WONDERFUL Paul!! I even read it outloud to my daughters... and they LOVED it! The flow is sweet and very steady, which makes it even more enjoyable! This is awesome Paul!! Simply beautiful! God bless ya! Hope you enjoy the Lord's Day!!! May He ever hold you in the palm of His hand!
~Melissa
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Fascinating. I had to read it twice, but it was definately worth it. Don't quite know the proper words to describe it, but I know it was beautiful.
Trose
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Ah, good, so alliteration is with an 'a'...big debate about that last year with one of my friends in English class...
A summer song, a sonnet sung,
A tasteful tune trips off my tongue.
Drawn in by the first two lines (...you know how much I love music. LOL) and amazed at your ability for alliteration.
Oh I just love to tease. 
No, seriously, this is great.
Blessed be,
Kate. -
That's cute. "and sensuous" seems to lump a little for me. It works better without the "and" unless one tries to jam "sensuous" into two syllables, where it fits tightly and squeaks unmercifally.
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Alliteration in every line... certainly something I couldn't accomplish... and the words are powerful and majestic, I certainly see your chances growing!
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this is written so beautifully and flows so well. i love the alliteration. and it flows off the tongue so well when i read it aloud.
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I love the rythm and flow of this piece. Very well written. Thank you for submitting this into my contest and good luck.
Kat -
The rhyming works quite nicely with this! Keep it up and good luck in the contest!
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Nice sound to this. But I would take out the apostrophes in these lines:
It's fervent fog is fatal fluff,
It's beauty bold, it's balm a bluff.
They are superfluous here. Maybe you might look for a different line:
So softly swirls but soon desists.
It stands out a bit because your alliteration, rhyme and rhythm are otherwise perfect. Anyway, it's your poem. Good Luck and keep writing. -
I was reading a comment reply you wrote and you said that this form makes your brain work a little---you got that right! i don't know how but you keep on changing and it's so much fun to read your stuff!! This is great! keep it up and never give up! God Bless--Eli
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good
i loved the rhyming scheme it just flowed so well great job and good luck -
Wow, I have never been very good at alliteration and you sure pulled that one off....yowza!! I just love this write, it flowed so well, and I didn't struggle with the words.
A tasteful tune trips off my tongue.
I love that line, not sure y but it sounds so beautiful.
I would also say that this one is one of your best...lol
love always
~Sara~ -
great job on this piece excellent work
Thank you for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck in it..
take care and god bless
~~~~~~~~~ Soulz ~~~~~~~~ -
Great write kirby. Must have taken time to get the construction just right and I loved the rhyme scheme. Good luck with the contest.
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Excellent !!!!!!!!!!
Well, I've read three of your poems , And I will say,
All of them flows perfectly , Almost like music ...
Yet another excellent write!
Yertweetyness
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Wonderfully Written
This is a great poem and I loved the way it ended.
I chuckled when I came to these lines:
"So sing no soft and sensuous songs,
Whose lure is lust which lasts not long."
(Very Good!)
For love itself is a natural beauty! I truly enjoyed reading this. Take Care & Many More Writes To You! -
Thanks so much - appreciate the comment. Playing with this kind of thing is fun and makes you brain work a little. Paul
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WOW!!! This is amazing! Sounds like a great form to play with! i'll have to give it a go! The last alliteration poem I did was one about Whims. I think it was called Wonderful Whims. You did a great job here! Excellent! Bravo! Dari x
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Thanks again, Jenny. It's fun to play around with different styles and ideas and I enjoyed doing this one. Paul
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Thanks for the comment. It was fun doing this and glad you like it. Paul
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I am a big fan of alliteration and you did it beautifully in this poem!
Jennifer -
beautifully worded, the rhythm was flawless. great work.
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Thanks! I accept that as a fine compliment. Paul
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stands and cheers your best yet. I love this
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Thank you, lady. Hope you get lots of good entries so you can have fun with your contest. Paul
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complicated was only one of the options, though this is not simple either! this one has amazing rhythym, and is very enjoyable.
excellent!
thanks for entering...
Lea
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