Don't tell me
That I'm dying
Cause I already know
For years
I haven't seen the sun
Only darkness
Reaping from my soul
I've lost all will
To be here
I can see my life
Flash before my eyes
Sunrise is no longer present
Only darkness
And it's demise
Hope has been abandoned
As has my will
I feel nothing
I'm completely numb
Death being my only escape
From this reality of lies and pain
I no longer belong here
Don't tell me
That I'm dying
Cause I already know
For years
I haven't seen the sun
Only darkness
Reaping from my soul
A contest entry
- Show Me What You've Got! by SpeakLove93.
600 points, ended May 5, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites! by movedon.
1750 points, ended May 8, 363 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Very Interesting
I love the way it flows and how the words work together so well, it's a very nice poem, regardless how grim the meaning behind it is...the only thing though that I encountered when reading this piece was how much I could hear "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory in my mind, matching up to some of the lines in this poem...but that just added to its effect on me...very nice write
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Nicely Dark
This is a very dark but very good write. Such description really gets across your emotions. The flow also works very nicely. Good job and thank you for entering! -
Hmmm... Very dark write you have here... But, I really like the repetition of lines, that makes them especially powerful.
Good write, dear.
Perception ~
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angelic discress
i love this poem it's showing me the lite of the lies we are in. to the uncareing person to the next
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"I feel nothing / I'm completely numb"—these were really good lines, because the overall tone of the poem is matter-of-fact and emotionless. And yet in spite of that (or maybe because of it), the reader feels like hope and life have been sucked away from his or her own soul.... Very good write, and well written.
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Don't tell me
That I'm dying
Cause I already know
For years
I haven't seen the sun
Only darkness
Reaping from my soul
well this is fantastic and if I was to tell u my favorite part
I'd have to put the whole piece
I loved it
Thanks for Sharing -
oh my. it sent shivers up (down?) my spine.. its touchin and harsh and emotional and so well expressed. great write...and try to not give up hope.
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"Don't tell me
That I'm dying" for some reason that reminds me of a song, can' think of which one though... Anyway I really like this poem. It kind of reminds me of myself (:. And the emotion is good and I love the way it flows and the way you worded it. I truely love this <333. "Hope has been abandoned
As has my will
I feel nothing
I'm completely numb
Death being my only escape
From this reality of lies and pain
I no longer belong here" Great lines! :}
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nice job, powerful, moving, well written, beautiful flow. And suck a longing feel about it. A longing for the sun. Cool. Please feel free to read and comment on my works too. Thank you
Rabbit
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