Pushing cracking breaking away from
Earths tenuous jealous binding
Fear encompassing whole being
While light carresses gently
Through cracks leak hope
New being
Life
Author notes
I used the seven line syllabic count version of duette and left it as originally written. The base of this piece was a seed sprouting.
A contest entry
- April New Members Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended May 6, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
A lot of descriptive words in here. It paints an image to be viewed by the reader. Well done.
Welcome to AP and good luck in the contest.
Storm
Site Greeter -
I'd forgotten to suggest that repeated 'ing' words dilute a strong point in poetry. I learned that too harshly when trying to submit to publishers. This one has quite a few. Otherwise, I still think it's very good!
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welcome to allpoetry
I think your first line could use some commas, but I really love this poem. It's electric. Great job, good luck.
♥
Shawna
Site Greeter
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I like the concept.
Keep the ink flowing! -
different but good you did a wonderful job on this keep up the great work
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Liked it, able to draw the imagery even as it diminished.
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welcome to allpoetry
To focus on a seed as you have done... creatively and truly poetic. I liked this very much.
Thank you for entering the contest and following the rules.
Best of luck to you.
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Very interesting take, you did an amzing job with this challenge. Not quite sure what a duette is, but this flows great. Good luck in the contest.
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This piece rocks! I thought about seeds sprouting first. Thinking on it further, there is a feeling breaking through, of freedom. Very nice write for sure.
I would leave it just like it is.
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Welcome to Allpoetry~~
This talks so much, yes, though short yet tells tales of beauty. Thank you..
good luck in the contest
Happy Days ahead..
Archana
Site Greeter
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Welcome to All Poetry~
Wonderful duette. It looks as good as it reads, even if I favor left alignment
. The use of obscure descriptives pushes this to high standard.
This would also go for shape poetry.
Thank you so much. Warmly, CookieZeal
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I rarely think of shape poetry when writing, thank you for pointing it out. Generally left alignment is my preference as well, however this duette seemed more suited to the center.
Thank you for commenting,
goldfishpollywog
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Welcome to Allpoetry
I like the imagery in this, it has been worded very well. Good luck in the contest.
Laura.
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