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at lightspeed out of your heart.

i can feel you pushing the pins,
and if you prick me and i bleed, we fall.
raging soldiers and little men, we fall.

and i don't want to live without it.
intense storms and nightly glows,
i don't want to feel without it or without you.





  because beauty is with you and not without you.
the sunset, the view.
travelling 100mph is not the perfection.

i am whirling in and out.
am i neglecting you?
because if you walk out, this will hurt and you cannot look back.

Author notes

P E T R I C H O R

because when you love someone they never ever really leave your heart right, but why am I okay without him when i know i can have him?
this is a jumbled mess, my feelings confuse and please me at the same time, wanted to write something you for though babe!

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • InfiniteCaitlin
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    I think you should type out Onehundred miles per hour becasue the number kind of threw me off and disrupted the flow that was going amazingly until then. Other than that I loved this piece. Short and powerful, and the last line was a great slap in the face.

    "because beauty is with you and not without you.
    the sunset, the view."
    this line was just stunning =D


  • whiterabbit.
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    I just love the way you write. I love the raw emotions here and the details you use. I can feel a kind of confusion here as if something were spinning. Great write hunni.

    ps. I loved your author's notes as well.

    xx


  • bird-mad girl
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    I LOVED the first stanza. the "we fall." is something so simple and amazing. the placement is stunning. it just amplifies that destruction will come either way and some how, given the way that you've written it, it's so beautiful. it's like the descruction is something to look forward to because it's truth and utterly lovely. also I really loved the "raging soldiers and little men" I thought that was brilliant.

    "intense storms and nightly glows,"

    so hauntingly beautiful. it made me think of sitting outside at night and the air is wild and you can smell a storm coming in the distance, you can hear and see the cracks of lightning. what this reminded me of just made it so much more stunning and inflicting and consuming.

    the ending stanzas have so a force to them, the vigor and power makes my bones launch. I felt a speed in them and it made my heart burst. the ending is so sad but I loved the honesty in it, the whole piece has such a raw honesty and I think that's why it has such an impact. there's nothing shy about it, just the facts and how you feel about it all. I loved that. I feel like in a lot of poetry, the writer is always hiding something but I didn't get that sense from this piece. it was completely open.

    love you doll.


  • the atlantic
    April 8
    Edit | Reply
    enter my contest

1 - 5 of 5