Night falls like a hammer, mirror casts a shadow form,
reflections dim to black as new moon rises through the storm.
Death upon my eyes, dreams take over, sight unseen,
dark side looms, unspoken, unforgiving,
unclean.
Time slips to eternity, centuries come to pass,
faces in the mirror blur reflected, dusty glass.
Mortals come and go, it seems, like flickers in the light,
vivid journeys, traveling within them, burning bright.
Short lives now unrav'ling, fast,
a flame sparked to unfold.
Shards of shattered symphonies,
resounding pitches bold.
Yet, still we remain upon the world,
unending,
cold.
Author notes
Welcome to my Vampyre
In a list
A contest entry
- Looking Glass Eyes by HereComesTheSun.
1100 points, ended April 16, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - darkside by emoempess.
700 points, ended May 16, 201 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and everything by Minstrel-Morose.
1200 points, ended June 28, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Fight for the Gold: Prewrites Unlimited #1 by amaranthine lover.
27500 points, ended August 28, 185 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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20.27 / 25
This is lovely. It'd be nice to see you work once without rhyme, though. I've been reading the other entries and with your rhyme, you tend to take on the same idea and so nothing really stands out by itself. If you are really serious about this craft, you need to challenge yourself. -
Another nice dark write, well done. Thank you for entering the "Fight for the Gold" contest it is appreciated. Best of luck to you..
Scott
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This ending for this poem is just astounding. Great work on this. I hate to take such good writes out of my contest unfortunately this poem already won a contest. Thanks for entering. Kah
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Amazing, simply amazing. I don't know if there are words to describe it...
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"Mortals come and go, it seems, like flickers in the light,
vivid journeys, traveling within them, burning bright"
love this part...
and thanks for the entry
it is dark scary...and talks about vampyre....love it
enter this group called
"the power of darkness"
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/the+power+of+darkness
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Wow.
This looks like something out of one of those Japanese horror movies. Terrifying words penned here. You're on a roll, young poet. Good one.
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You have a way with words painting vivid pictures.
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Well written!
Leaves me with an eerie feeling. Well, you got me to read one of your dark writes. You paint quite a picture with great imagery & a sparkle for story telling.
Great flow & rhythm throughout with a macabre story line. I think I'll go have nightmares now. All the best in the contest. This is a nice take on the prompt. You should do well.
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i hope it doesn't give you nightmares
thanxu
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POINTS
Creativity [20/20]
Literary Technique [19/20]
Hidden Meaning [10/10]
Flow [10/10 ]
Unique [10/10]
TOTAL - 69/70
99%
Positive: i loved your take on this piece, was very well done overall and the piece was the best rhyming piece i have ever read to be very honest. overall i love and enjoyed this piece.aslo its flow so unique
Negative: cant say anything
Suggestions: was pretty much perfection. -
Very nice write--all seemed to flow--I like how you had the closing three lines organized
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Wow! Excellent writing.
What impact this piece has! A lovely rhythm, perfect for the tone of the piece. Great rhymes as well. Very vivid imagery. You hooked me with the first (two) stanzas, and held me mesmerized until the end. Yet, despite how "cold" you are, I was hooked, wanting more. When will such as you come to my door? If I then invite you in, when to my window later come, then I may not refuse. (Not a serious offer, o' course, given our age differences; merely a poetic response in kind.)
The one place the meter faulters for me is in: "Short lives now unravelling, fast,"; I would contract "unrav'ling" to ensure the reader skips that syllable.
Amazing piece!
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thanxu yah you're a young mortal and im a ancient vampyre so yah theres a age gap there you missed the renaissance, thats too bad it was killer fun and they had the best hats
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Oh I like it. You can bite my neck any day.
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did you clean your neck today? hygiene is important to me when im feeding
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Yes, ma'am.
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behind your ears too?
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Goodness yes... OMG... If you want I will sterilize my neck with rubbing alcohol. What's a guy gotta do to get bitten around here? lol
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no just soap is good or axe body wash is even better that smells nicer then soap but rinse it off good too i dont wanna taste it when i bite
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WELL DONE!!!!!
This is a wonderful write. such absolute depth of feeling. Words well chosen and used to perfection. the rythmic flow is wonderful ad the music is wonderful. Great Job sweet one.
*Go with God* little one,
Granma Valerie
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Very intriguing write. Awesome imagery and metaphors. Love the way you ended it.
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Nicely done! Great rhyme & flow, I liked how you approached this. Best wishes in the contest!
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o my god. this is amazing. like amazing amazing, this an amazing write.
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