Scared and confused
I wasn't thinking
I was so young
You kept telling me you loved me
But now I think That was A Lie
If you really loved me, why would you hurt me?
I was Young and dumb
didn't know what true love really was,
I was....
Stupid, in Love,
Fucked up, totally Drunk
A Game, You won.
A Puzzle coming undone,
Missing pieces,
My sanity all gone,
Back when I thought you were the one.
You're voice was so silent,
When you Whispered all those words,
That at one time I thought you meant.
You took advantage,
Cause you knew I was in love.
My Trust you Damaged,
Now it's hard for me to trust anyone.
I was Young and dumb
didn't know what true love really was,
I was....
Stupid, in Love,
Fucked up, totally Drunk
A Game, You won.
A Puzzle coming undone,
Missing pieces,
My sanity all gone,
Back when I thought you were the one.
Hopeless! You left me in distress.
Psychotic! Everything you did was Chaotic.
Pathetic! Fucked up, All the pain you caused,
Was for nothing you never gave a Fuck!
Author notes
OPTION 3: experience prompt -relationships
Was dedicated to J.J.B. but not anymore were actually still really close friends and
I was pretty much just pissed about breaking up and overreacted
In a list
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A contest entry
- I Challenge You! by Shadowsong.
400 points, ended April 22, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - NEW...Since No One Listened BEFORE! by Vintage Chiffon.
550 points, ended April 9, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make My Heart Ache by AshesFromFire.
900 points, ended April 16, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tear drops on a broken heart by hidingintheshadows9.
420 points, ended April 24, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - lost love vs love by xxCodykinsxx.
455 points, ended June 1, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your soul! Make me feel your pain! Your best peice! Prewrite or fresh! by Horcrux.Breathing.
750 points, ended August 30, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nevermore . . . (Dark and emotional prewrites contest) by BrokenGlassRose.
800 points, ended November 10, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think?
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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the anger and mood of this poem is quite intense. Very raw indeed and many people can relate to this. Thought it's very simple and not very imaginatively written. Your word choice could be more complex and interesting. Still a very emotional poem.
Please don't take these comments harshly, they're meant to help not to be spiteful. -
I rather think you sacrifice your poem by only using one "frustrated" adjective, and a not very imaginative one at that. I would have gone out and expanded my vocabulary to suite how I really felt, stop dealing with the anger and look at the real issue, the anger is only a mask and you've let it get in the way of your work. The heart of the issue is an issue of the heart. Keep writing, expand your knowledge. -CC
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WOWW this is brilliant. Check out my contest when i re open it!
this is rely brilliant!
xx
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This happened to me too...it seems that what is troubling your soul is also troubling me. its actually quiet scary this is how I feel. But there you have it you are not alone on this one I assure you hunny. This gave me good insight to your pain exactally what I asked only you did not but "Her Bear moved no more" in your author notes
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Excellent composition--well deserving of all the awards granted--An abundance of imagery and you portray your feelings well!
Well Done & Congratulations!
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yeah i know what you mean, its kind of touching in an odd way. well thank you for entering this and thank you very much for folowing my contest rules
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If you really loved me, why would you rush me?
A question that seems to pop up in my head.
I was Young and dumb
didn't know what true love really was,
I was....
Stupid, in Love,
Fucked up, totally Drunk
A Game, You won.
A Puzzle coming undone,
Missing pieces,
My sanity all gone,
Back when I thought you were the one
It's so completely relatable. I love it. I love the emotion, the frustration. I love the way it's written. Great job. Thank you for entering. -
This is gorgeous; I can see why it has so many trophies
I love the chorus!
Thankyou so much for entering this piece, and I wish you the best of luck!
Maria
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Thank you for entering.
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I think girls have such a deep need to be loved that they give in to almost everything to keep it.
The Positives:
Great emotion and imagery I think you told your story admerably
Room For Improvement:
Nothing I can see you did wonderful
My Favorite Part:
I was....
Stupid, in Love,
Fucked up, totally Drunk
A Game, You won.
A Puzzle coming undone,
Missing pieces,
My sanity all gone,
Back when I thought you were the one.
You wrote this part very fasinatingly
Overall:
I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
There are several I have that are my favorites about the ugly times in life. Wonderful write. Thank you for entering my contest.
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Stupid, in Love,
Fucked up, totally Drunk
A Game, You won.
A Puzzle coming undone,
Missing pieces,
My sanity all gone,
Back when I thought you were the one.
You took advantage,
Cause you knew I was in love.
My Trust you Damaged,
Now it's hard for me to trust anyone
AMAZING!!!!
write doll,
so much emotion && power in it these liones stuck out big time t me and i see why it was your fave its one of mine to !! love mucho
xoxo
vanna
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This was a fantastic write keep up the great work.
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Wow in my opinion this is your best
"I was....
Stupid, in Love,
Fucked up, totally Drunk
A Game, You won.
A Puzzle coming undone,
Missing pieces,
My sanity all gone,
Back when I thought you were the one."
The chorus was so fucking catchy I honestly think this deserves gold -
I like this. Really shows the emotion, and how your eyes were opened when looking back on the situation. Good job paying attention to my poetry, this definitely fits some of the relationships I've found myself in also.
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I know this feeling so well...You did a great job portraying it here. This was an awesome write! Keep up the good work and thanks for entering!
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So much emotion and so many things going on. Good job. I accept your offer as a sister! good luck in the contest!
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Wow! Well, you most certainly hit my heart! My first love was a horny stoner, hell bent on ruining me for the rest of the world....I've been throught his hell and I know it sucks! Bravo, daring.
I wish you the best of luck in my contest! This is a really great write. Lots of emotion. Exactly what I was looking for!
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I know this pain. It's a sharp one that runs deep, and you did it justice. Bravo.
Best of luck and thanks for entering! -
Very original, not a story I read alot of poems about so I liked that. Love the repetition and clarity. I also like the realisation that you were young and didn't have much sense but now you know how he took advantage of you was wrong. Definitely one of my favourites so far.
Well done, good luck and thank you for entering -
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great job with how deep this write was it really hit to the core
thanks for entering -
i think this will make a very good song, just need someone to sing and record
Shuberth
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Thank you =)
I sing all my own stuff
I'm not good but I still try
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FUCKING AMAZING!!!!! i LOVED it, great write girl, i love the chorus, and the pic you used is totally rad!
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Thanks Sean :D
lol 
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:(
i know how it feels.. but the worst thing is gettin all the blaimed for everything that went wrong... and him saying he like a saint...
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Wow...THIS SUMS UP EXACTLY THE WAY THINGS HAPPENED with my ex & I...Took complete advantage I think of my love for him...This is an excellent write. (just fix your AN & what i asked please).
BRAVO! -
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Sorry about that it was A prewrite so I forgot
Thanks for the comment
Was a true story I only write from experience aside some random
pic prompts
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Oh it's ok that it is a prewrite your allowed 1 prewrite, but also shoot for something new . Everything i have written were real life experiences or the way I saw or wished things to be
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Cool well i will favorite but I'm gonna wait till after contest to comment and i will try to write something new also
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kk sounds good
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This was a very well writen piece. The flow went with it great. The way you expressed your agner and frustration of getting taken advangtage of was excellent. I could honestly feel your emotions just by reading it. I could tell you felt used and hurt and maybe even a little betrayed. You have real talent. You should work with this piece a bit more.
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Wonderful piece! The chorus that repeats gives the feeling of someone on edge or having a slight breakdown over what happened, which is very appropriate. And the story you're telling with this comes through very well. I like that there was no rhyme to this -- I think that helped the flow of the piece quite a bit. And keeping all the lines of each stanza roughly the same length made them flow together easier as well. This would be a very good piece to expand on, I think.
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