blushing
the blot of shy relish and harbored glory
her cheeks like fuchsia cupcakes
the hushed thirst bursting her locket
as she watched the other girl twirl her spoon
bruised
his knuckle traced back, a burning Northern star,
her father left shattered constellations
she laid still, mouth fished, lashes crusting,
the thought of violet soothed like her mother’s name
wig
the headband in his beauty queen curls
matched the maroon stilettos strapped to his ankles
he shuffled through his cousin’s jewelry box
and examined her beloved cross necklace
lips
smacking, puckering, teasing her client
her favorite shade drawn like the red light district
the motel lights buzzed, nylons fucking ripped
morning she turned the corner, sparrows cackling
empty
his throat was acidic from his desert stomach
he fingered the orange like the globe in his room
a growl quivered from the void in his gut
he uncapped the bottle of diet pills instead
smoke
husky tusks steam rolled through his nostrils
fingertips yellowed, bud between jaws,
the office building, the bee hive, frowned
he glowered back, regretting his average merge
enfolded
his bed sheets were tangled around her hips
he kissed her spine, between the shoulder blades
she giggled and purred like a jukebox
her eyes were olive diamonds like his wife’s
thumping
the tongue ring was like her lime dreadlocks
she danced beneath spidery laser lights
humming glow sticks in each hand
the rave swallowed her in neon and bass
camp
he remembered their bard wire teeth
and the world outside green instead of mud
his inner arm a tattooed number
he remembered their experiments and genocide
womb
she bought a blue rattle in his honor
his name would have been Julian
she brushed her belly, his old cradle,
she told herself it was an accident and wept
noose
clawing, nails snagging, feet kicking
her neck didn’t break
lips flourishing navy without oxygen
her mother was cooking dinner downstairs
saturday
they were separated and she took custody
he had weekends with his daughter
her tiny clasp as he held her on his shoulders
the world falling away in teal jigsaws
Romeo
she was his rehab, his whore house
everyday she ripped apart aqua petals in his favor
knowing the lies- she didn’t want it to stop
he kept spinning the carousal of her thighs
Author notes
Platinum Stitches
Once Lauren [Fallen forever] said that I should write about a rainbow, so, after months, I mean months, I've finally come up with something for that. I used the different colors to describe different situations. It’s kind of like in If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things, all the stuff that can happen on one street in all the different houses. It wanted there to be something breathless about it all, like a rush but one that's consuming in this gentle way.
In case you need some help, here's what happened:
-fuchsia: a girl has a crush on another girl
-violet: a daughter beaten by her father
-maroon: a drag queen living with his religious cousin
-red: a prostitute with her client
-orange: a boy with anorexia
-yellow: a business man smoking outside his office building
-olive: a man cheating on his wife
-lime: a girl dancing at a rave
-green: a man who survived the concentration camps
-blue: a woman's sorrow over her miscarriage
-navy: a girl hanging herself
-teal: a divorced father spending time with his daughter
-aqua: a girl in love with the wrong boy
In a list
A contest entry
- Colors and Shades by SilentMoonlight.
1500 points, ended April 28, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This was..wow! This has to be one of my favorite works on this site. You managed to tell 13 peoples stories in one poem. An amazing feat. This was brillant!
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From the lst line of the comment "You are my petal, and I love you"
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Seeing as you took the time to write this, I'm going to annoy you, and comment on every stanza. I believe every single one can make an amazing story one day (possibly a book of them, with Rainbow somewhere in the title, and a dedication to moi
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this made a large picture, with lots of little ones. Like a...collage, a ranbow one
But still, this is your own special style and way, so now I shall start the longest comment I have ever given in my entire life:
The first stanza stood out imediately, initially I got a Lolita kind of feel to it, but your style can use refernaces to "cupcakes" and such, that just twists the rather adult things we feel to teenagers. I don't know how to explain how I feel about this stanza, I adore it, obviously, as a bi-curious teen. there's something unique about it and it tells a story that could be sweet or twisted. I want to know if they're connected, or simply watching. Or if it's mutual. Story on it, please (:
Now, you know I love the stars, so this next stanza was a gift. There was so mcuh uniqueness, the ways you put it. Like "lashes crusting" that is so expressive. the colour you chose for this was very cleverly done, it is quite ambiguous. On first reading I though Violet could be bruises, and it would comfort her to know that someone will see what's going on. Then I thought that she could be taking herself to a place with a certain safety or calm.
The next stanza was so insanely original, only you could have thought of it. This deserves a story. It sounds to me like he's devoted to who he is, the "strapped to his ankles" seemed like he was a slave to it, and there was nothing he can do to stop this. It looked in my head like a scene from a movie, I just want to know what the cousin thinks, and whether the man feels shame or is doing this through spite.
The next stanza really stuck out, it was especially good in the sense It wasn't the usual "She decended down, and ran her fingers over her fishnet tights" it was raw and agressive, with the added shame. That was a really powerful line, it looked like another moive shot to me. In my head to prostitute wasn't pretty, or thin. And the morning wasn't glorious or clean. It was all dirty and sinister, which I loved. In my opinion, a comma would look quite good after "Morning" just to break that scentance up a bit. Also: "teasing her client" didn't really sit right with all the beautiful imagary. I can see howraw it was supposed to be, but I think you could make it a bit more original.
My favourite line in the next one was "Like the globe" as, when you're that deep in, food is your world and you fucking hate it. Also, it wasn't a girl and there wasn't "Glitter and tears" so well done. to stray further away from that the last line could be revised, juuuust a little bit. This is one of my favourite stanzas, the use of desert it so clever. The lack of nurishment and the bleakness.
the next stanza was so magical in its ordinaryness, it remeinded me a lot of the people in American Psyco, so I want to know about this man. The "bud" referance was amazing, really well put. the idea of "beehive" was also really interesting, it made me imagine the people in it, insects and leeches, and he feels like he is becoming one. also, it ties in beautifully with yellow.
There was something special about the next stanza, it reminded me of Ittallians (probably the olives...) and that made me think of the mafia...so I'm making up little stories in my head now. The jukebox referance was so nice, really original and could be about adults at the time, like the 50s, or a man and a yonger woman. the intimacy of the spine and shoulder blades is incredible...these two people are immense.
Last year at a festival I went to a rave tent...it was amazing. This made me feel like I was there again...which makes me wonder, again, when you're doing things that you are writing stories and poems in your head all the time, you can take me to places with 4 lines. There still was a darkness, and I adored the lasers being called "spidery" that was immense.
I think this next stanza was my favourite...I don't know why, there is just something so rare and beautiful about it. I can see the man. It is so twisted and evil, and the green can mean so many things. The cover of shiny grass shoves over places like Auschitz, the sickening nature and the envy of these voctims to be normal people again...and maybe a fertillyity that can come after all the dispicable acts.
this next stanza almost made me cry, "his old cradle" could have brought me to tears. It is so emotional, and we can imagine the pain of the woman, feeling like she pushed her baby out of her, and she couldn't save him, even though she was going to create him...I don't know, I just get really stange about children...they don't deserve it.
I know you've had this, first hand with people...I don't feel like I can make a dee enough comment that can illustate how you have descibed the hurt, it's raw and true. It can only be achived from experience. The last line reminded me of the song "the world spins madly on" by the Weepies.
the next one, had potential to be cute, like pink or something, but you made it deeper and darker, which I appreciate. The idea of things falling away in "jigsaws" is amazing imagary, truly stunning and unique...I can see it before my eyes.
Of course, the last on is kind of your signature, you could have given me this under any name and I would have believed it was you. The idea of a Carousal linked all the colours for me, and made it seem like a big poem,a dn again, it reminded me of "the world spins madly on" with all these people and stories, from the bizare to the ordinary. My mum always says "it takes all sorts to make a world" and you illustrate that perfectly.
Dear lord, well done.
You are my pe
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that was the most extordinary comment EVER. it made me sooo happy. like my heart was fluttering behind my ribcage and sighing and wanted to embrace you. yeah, when I see you I'm going to put your face in my chest and say "welcome to the bosom of love."
I love how you talked about what you liked and what you thought could be fixed up. I really aprreciate the honesty, espically in letting me know what can be revised, I think hearing stuff like that is more meaningful then "liekOMG that was so pretti! and blahPRINCESS LOL lalala!" I love the meat of your comments, the train of thought. it's all so fascinating: the little links a reader sees while reading something. I love knowing about your thought process, it's so pure.
Thank you love. This means the world to me since you gave me the idea for it :]]]]] and of course, whenever I get this baby ready, you bet it'll be dedicated to you! The Magnificent!
I love you forever and ever and always.
♥ -
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I've bookmarked this, I keep coming back and seeing new things. I love it. I'm flad you appreciate my comments, I feel like I know your work, so there is no fear anymore. I just want to tell you all I see and feel when I read your work, it's an a amazing feeling.
I actually was thinking about that recently, if I ever do get published, you probably will be somewhere in the dedication, there is noone on earth who has had more of an effect on my writing (which will return some day)
I L.O.V.E you, round the walls, up the celing, along the floor and so much more
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brilliant!
thumping
the tongue ring was like her lime dreadlocks
she danced beneath spidery laser lights
humming glow sticks in each hand
the rave swallowed her in neon and bass
like if this was put in the beginning or end i would have been like whatever but every word and explanation was placed nicely throughout. your truly talented, i look forward to reading more of your writes.
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Romeo was my favorite, you write such interesting stories, I loved the sub-titles, and the main title,
beautiful.
Kind regards
Sophie
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This verse is a calliope of sensation... I envision every colour as meaning, as being relevant to life. Here, you have chosen some strong parallels between colour and condition. I did question bard instead of barb, thinking it was deliberate and than not seeing the tie-in. "Smoke", "Lips" and "Bruised" seemed to stand-out the most for me in the manner of associated colour. Teal too works well with the Father/daughter as a kind of softened regret/happiness interplay. Aqua played the wrong way for me as well as orange for the anorexia. I would have played these colours on the darker side of the spectrum or possibly on the manmade side such as neon or fluorescent. An insubstancial differing and one that makes not one bit of difference in how well this piece is received. You do realize your formatting is identical to vignettes? I am so happy you were instigated into writings of a rainbow! Blue
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o wow. i hav not been here in months! its been awhile! its good that i checked in cuz this poem was amazing! so very glad to read some of your stuff again cuz its alwayz so filling. just so damn good. your writing presses on ever sense and it just makes it deeper. takes a while to digest.
thats sum good shit. way to be mang -
wow what a great idea for a poem, i want a go its stunning your words totally swept me away and it was a really interesting read. sorrry for being so shite at commeneting as of the past year,
I love your pieces though, stunning.
this stanza: my fave:
lips
smacking, puckering, teasing her client
her favorite shade drawn like the red light district
the motel lights buzzed, nylons fucking ripped
morning she turned the corner, sparrows cackling
yay
much love xxxxxx
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this is so great - I especially love noose. This deserves a spot in Best American Short Stories, I swear.
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his knuckle traced back, a burning Northern star.
-Ohh i love this. terrifyingly beautiful.
a growl quivered from the void in his gut
he uncapped the bottle of diet pills instead
-Ahh!! this is so good. The descriptions are hauntingly realistic.
her eyes were olive diamonds like his wife’s
-Gosh, great twist there. Almost a subtle reference to the fact he has a wife.
The ending stanza = my favourite.
Gosh this was so much fun to read. I got all wrapped up in it. I really hope you win.
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first off, i adore that book. seriously one of the best things i could have picked up to read.
your poem did feel like something out of there. especially the first three verses. they were wonderful and simply in another world, so elegant yet strong.
'enfolded
his bed sheets were tangled around her hips
he kissed her spine, between the shoulder blades
she giggled and purred like a jukebox
her eyes were olive diamonds like his wife’s'
this was my favourite. It just made me feel something that I can't explain and that's probably why I like it so much, it makes me think of good times.
'saturday' & 'camp' were also very powerful and strong. such vivid ideas, they really do come alive on the screen/paper
I adore the thought and effort put into this, I think only you could have done this and done it so well! I know I would never think of this let alone put in the effort. Aaaah you make me happy to read poetry !!!
<3
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wow this is so great and complex. You managed to portray all these people and their colors in an emotion way by just describing the facts. most people wouldn't be able to I'm sure. and how you thought up all of this amazes me.
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wow, this is so amazing.
just two spelling errors: in the first line of 'camp' bard should be barbed. in the last line of 'Romeo' carousal should be carousel. i love all the different stories, it's so creative and just fascinating. they blend together so well it kind of feels like some of the characters are the same. namely-violet & navy, yellow & olive, maybe teal & blue are the divorcees. altogether an amazing poem. thanks for the colour guide, it really helped. :]
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This was ungodly, grotesquely almost to the point of being obscene mind blowing! You weaved all these colors together in a quilt of stories and mismatching lives who all fit together. I can't even describe how this made me feel. This is undoubtedly my favorite from you. Bookmark!!
Thanks for entering gorgeous!!
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