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Destruction of the Girl

Destruction of the girl,
Hidden by a show,
Painted on smile,
World never knows.

Pushed too far,
Broken inside,
Want to run away,
Want to hide.

Gutted hopes,
Eyes see red,
Still hanging on,
The tiniest thread.

Drowning in deceit,
Frozen in her shell,
Graying heart,
Efforts fail.

Blackened room,
Missing floor,
Never thought,
She'd fall anymore.

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In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • awannabepoet
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    We all descend into that personal space we call hell, suffice to know for the some the torment is over as quick as it does hover on the horizon yet for some it is eternal.

    I like it, I like it so!


  • Fire-Fly
    April 13
    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful piece - very descriptive and full of emotion.

    "Drowning in deceit,
    Frozen in her shell,
    Graying heart,
    Efforts fail."

    Gone over the 16 line guide, but I'll forgive as your lines are so short

    Your poem is full of amazing emotion and feeling.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest.

  • mcfreeman
    April 10
    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    Blackened room,

    Missing floor,

    Never thought,

    She'd fall anymore

  • Hovels 3
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    Hey, I like this poem. The format fits well with the title. Each line break makes me think of the slow destruction of something. Like step by step she slowly self-destructs. It's not something that just suddently happened and that had a quick reaction. It took time and days worth of burdens being piled for that girl to get to the point of destruction.

    "Hidden by a show,
    Painted on smile,
    World never knows."

    We all do that. Probably why we have mental breakdowns in the end. Because of all the burdens we carry on our own. We just hide.


    • annother gold member
      April 8
      Edit | Reply

      Guts-of-an-angel

      I really appreciate your comments. I have always been a reluctant to share things I've written, so getting my very first feedback and having it be positive is cool.

      Yes, the destruction is definately slow... I'm glad it gives an impression of that.

1 - 5 of 5