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[dawn drinks deep] Haiku

dawn drinks deep -
swallows night and
unanchored stars

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • bridgetjanejone
    April 12

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    Hm. I'm a bit torn on this one. I love the unanchored stars image but I'm not sure about the dawn "drinking" and "swallowing" and you definitely don't need "deep" as I think it's superfluous.

    dawn
    unanchored stars
    drift away


    Better don't you think? The idea that you have of the unanchored stars is highlighted by the sense of them floating (drifting) away which is what I think you were suggesting?


  • Daizee silver member
    April 7
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    I love the idea of stars possibly being unanchored..

    Stacy


  • Olivias Violin
    April 7
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    Very Good!


  • Rovingone gold member
    April 7
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    Beautiful. Very meaningful with terrific imagery . A fine poem


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    April 7
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    Excellent! Love this personification/image!


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    April 7

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    This has personification, which is totally unusual for a haiku; but what matters most is that it is a vivid, imaginative, crystalline poem.

1 - 6 of 6