just for once i need you to see

I hate you for loving me so much,
I hate you for caring for me unconditionally,
I hate myself for not loving you more,

Just for once I want you to see that I’m not ok when I say I am,
Just for once I want you to not lie to me about where you’ve been,

I want to love you unconditionally but I can’t,
I know I will resent you for taken my life away,
Stopping from doing what I want and need to do,

Just for once can you not ask me who I’ve been with, were there any guys,
Just for once I want you to trust my judgment and not be suspicious of all my male friends,

Don’t put me on a pedestal and idolise me for being perfect because I’m not!
I’m not perfect
I’m not who you think I am
Because I don’t love you unconditionally
I can accept your past,
But not when it effect our present!
I can’t except the fact you have a child with another women or that you lie to me about the drugs you take
I can’t except that you’ve got bipolar because I know, I know in my heart I can never look after you

Just for once I need you to see in my eyes that I can’t carry on like this,
Being suffocated by your love
And suppressed by your expectations of me!

It’s not ok for you to tell me that if it wasn’t for me you would kill yourself,
Or it’s me or no-body

I’m angry at you for loving me!
I’m angry at myself for not loving you enough
And just for once I want you to see that I’m crying because of you,
Just for once I want you to see the real me, please.