A single tear slides down a cool tender cheek
whose future is looking mighty bleak.
Going to bed hungry again
always wishing,
hoping,
praying that it doesn't have to be this way.
So many abandoned buildings
to call home
no one to claim her
as their own.
Looking out into the night
noticing flakes of white
shivering
so very cold.
So many like her
spread throughout the city
all forgotten by our society.
Author notes
http://islandtime.deviantart.com/art/fix-you-100999056
A contest entry
- Freedom Rounds by Writing0Freedom.
400 points, ended June 22, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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omg...it's sad but true of how many children are orphaned and homeless. the economy really blows especially nowadays! even whole families are out there on the street homeless and starving. i was very close to tears when i was reading this sad yet beautiful write. the picture was an excellent touch, making it even harder to hold back the tears and the longing to reach out and hold this little girl and give her a home and a family. it's definately a write that will hit people in the gut or slap them in the face to open their eyes and see what the world is coming to. sadly i think the world is turning into a harsher realm of hell.
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title 3/5
relation to prompt 7/8
spelling\grammar 5/5
personal oppinion 8/20
rythmn 6/12
imagery 5/20
emotion 4/10
Diction 2/10
Originality 3/10
48/100
So I feel mildly bad because I don't like giving low scores, but I didn't really feel the emotion in this, and the words were fairly commonplace. I relate more to prose poetry or more freeverse, and if its rhyme it has to be pretty damn amazing for it to connect with me. Try using more out of place words, and more description. I think this has potential but it needs work. So if you do edits, message me, and I'll check it out again.
writingfree
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