Wednesday came, it is my last day
a fading poster on the wall becoming a metaphor of my life,
becoming a production, where you're the ringmaster of my fate,
the spark of my life, dust as it slides into the crack of a nightmare,
a surreal elsewhere where emotions float on the Ocean of Dust,
where happiness loses it's spark of life,
where your attention of hurts and slights
imagine a corrupted justice as you entertain yourself,
the calliope plays merry tune as I slip away....
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Very nice.
I like how it blames one person for your fate, but doesn't outright say it. It's subtle. I like it.
On the other hand, I have two grammatical bones to pick with you. First, your in line three should be you're. And secondly, you've used the word dust twice. Maybe think about changing it?
Anyway, nice write, keep it up.
Nikki
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Well... its shorter than i would have liked BUT it is fantastic sooooo I like it anyway. Two little errors
where your the ringmaster of my fate, (you're)
the calliope plays merry tune as I slip away.... ( a merry tune?)
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