It’s the fact that there’s nothing
Beyond the sun and the skin that burns and dies
So horribly
So nobody
No nobody
No body will ever ---- ---.
Wish it were better for you
(They don’t even know you’re struggling)
(Or that the world could be so cold)
But it’s old.
And you’re alone.
FuckItGetoverIt.
All women are victims, women are all victims, victims are all women, women: all are victims, Are all women victims?
There isn’t even control.
We. Are. Nothing. Else. Ever.
Just tit-bits of body
Full of empty- Holes (in me/out me)
FUCKING HURT ME
Make me alive
A live bit of flesh
With face and lips and mouth
(and the tongue_)
With its endless shapes and twists and curls
that spell something
Something that means
Something.
Sometimes.
But in the end (always the end )
It’s a flopping fish in the final act
Of becoming
Truly
Nothing.
And isn’t it (truth)ly beautiful.
Finally.
When all is lost and there’s nothing to left to lose
Then we smile
And we smile
And we Laugh at love. and hope. and peace.
for being so fucking naïve.
......
06,04,09
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
a strong piece indeed. Id lose some of the captial letters because the words you have chosen are powerful enough not to need them. this cuts right through. I think in future you should look out for my contests, i think you could win a few for sure.
-
Such a great write especially a excellent ending you have. Thank you for sharing and it was a pleasure to read.
-
So much truth here-so much deep truths- that not many your age- nor mine are aware of- Wonderfully penned!
it is great to see you posting once more
love ya
Dad
-
Oh. This is a cool little poem that you have penned in here. I loved how you played with all the words and the sounds and meanings of words. It made it interesting and always changing. There is a lot of sadness in the message though. And I know how it feels to feel like you never really saw it clearly when you were young but I chose to blindfold myself and keep hoping. I hope you can too. You did a good job of expressing yourself here.
-
Oops, I just realised I forgot these
Sorry!!!
-
"Then we smile
And we smile
And we Laugh at love. and hope. and peace.
for being so fucking naïve. "
Excellent ending, really cyncial, and hopeless, sour and beautiful. love the bit about the tongue too... ahh i love your words.
i love you x
-
I love this so much, and you seem to use the fish metaphor a lot, but it's so fitting in the contexts that you use it.
I agree with Nicolette, this reads like a silent scream, and it was painful for me to read.
You have this gut-wrenching way of writing that just tears every single ounce of emotion out of me and lay it out in the open.
I'm so glad you're writing again, this is excellence.
♣ Tegan
-
this one reads like a silent scream - for many women.... a very quiet intensity here, and those last lines pulled a wry smile from me.
good to see you writing again.
~ Nicolette
-
i miss you
-
I haven't seen you in a long time.
This poem sounds like you've been through the mill.
If it is subjective as I believe it is, then on behalf of men in general I apologize to you. We do not all look at women as your poem suggests.
You look happy with that horse. Would you like 5 more?
welcome back
this was a powerful piece of work.
-
-
Ah, I have missed you. Yes, I get horses.
-
-
woah.
....
you speak the truth there is nothing else i can get from this but complete utter truth.
<3
-
Wow, I can't say my feelings for this poem, because they've already been said in the other comments, and it'd just be redundant to say again. This is amazing though I can at least tell you that. Hope you're ok!
-
like a ring of fire or witch burning. it just leaves this terrible taste, but that's good, you've come across with fury and frustration and this terrible kind of sorrow... like when you get so angry you cry and hate yourself for it.
The writing style was a bit different but the subject matter reminded me of your old work, back when we were all feverishly writing. I'm glad to at least see something from you, even if it does twist my gut in the most awful way. are you okay hun? this piece really troubles me and I just sense something terrible
I love you and I've missed you.
♥
-
-
I'm ok. <3
-
-
goodness i haven't seen you write in awhile, and its amazing to come and read this.
i have no idea how to start commenting this.. i am speechless. it read so fast paced but the outcome was lingering, and the way you wrote it was perfectly sculpted to give the right effect.
all bullshit aside this hurt. it was really intense and i can't even imagine what you are going through to write this. you've always been top notch in writing but you have done so well with this as well and it doesn't seem like your usual writings, but then again i haven't read you in so long so im guessing things are bound to change a bit. thank you for opening yourself up this way.. <3
-
-
Sometimes.. all you need is for someone, somewhere to know. that's it's hard. and that you're killing yourself to pretend that everything's fine.
And you don't need their help or their sympathy or their bullshit. Just their quiet understanding.
x
Thankyou huni. -
-
that.. is so true.
could i quote you on that? i mean seriously i have not heard something so exact in a long time. im so tired of people telling me how to solve my problems and i just want them to STOP and listen and.. understand! and maybe if i could get my boyfriend to read into what you said he'd understand. thank you for the enlightenment
-
-
-
wow
this was really emotional- powerful, like a punch in the face [in a good way? hehe]
I like it. Great job.
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
