waiting for the stars to fall
like rain against my brow
to cloud this hollow feeling
deep inside
heavy shackles
restrain this heart
as though there is
no more light left to shine
through its rusting exterior
don't let this night
become my swan song.
Author notes
picture prompt A: as provided by host (sourced from www.photobucket.com ), appearing top of page.
In a list
A contest entry
- Night time Quickie!! yay.. reserve=] by perfectsunset.
550 points, ended April 6, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whispers of the Muse by SubKitten.
3045 points, ended May 19, 156 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites! NEW writes! I Want It All! by lesbian-in-love.
700 points, ended October 22, 212 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Honest appraisal please, I don't need my ego stroked
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This was interesting to read. It was very well written. I enjoyed it. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.
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I'm not trying to stroke your ego when I say this, but... this is a masterpiece. =D
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thank you for reading and the highly complimentary comment, It pleases me to know when others have enjoyed wandering through my words. I truly treasure those remarks
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This is a very emotional piece, and very well written! The opening line was a wonderful set-up, and added to the feeling of the poem as a whole. The way this was written is interesting; without the picture, it gives the feeling of being about a person alone and musing. But with the picture, it would pass as the light bulb's thoughts as it's sputtering out. Being able to view this piece from two different angles is a very nice touch!
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Daddy this is an fantastic poem that you've penned. I love it all especially the last two lines. you ended it quite nicely and perfectly.
kat
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omg I love this...The end couldnt be more perfect
"don't let this night
become my swan song."
Sigh...
Lynda
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Aww this was truly beautiful
and so very heartfelt.
Oh, what an ending!
So full of emotion
and depth, which made
for a treasured read.
Best of luck & thanks for entering
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Beautiful job!!! loved your take here.
Best of luck in the contest.
Delila
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Beautiful work! I loved the last two lines, really brought the whole piece together. Great work, and Good Luck in the contest!
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