corroded railings
brought tetanus
in overabundance. --
they said precipice
as if it was safe
and not a danger to those
who have overactive
tear-ducts.
consumed by distrust
a lone figure prepared
to make a flattering exit
offscreen,
something shattered
into tiny slivers of pain
as the cold metal
succumbed
into darkness
a body hit the floor.
Author notes
prompts:
http://wiciaq.deviantart.com/art/Industrial-study-II-118227366
the picture is really cool, I might just stare at it a little more and write something else another day haha.
I always have huge problems with changing tenses so from now on I will be working extra hard on writing in one tense only. so if I screw up somebody PLEASE tell me.
thanks.
7/150
In a list
A contest entry
- 100 Day Poetic Challenge Group Quickie by stasis.
400 points, ended April 9, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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i read this in front of you so you already know how much i love it its so unlike your other stuff but its still amazing and i agree with tegan, you've grown SO much.
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"they said precipice
as if it was safe
and not a danger to those
who have overactive
tear-ducts."
This is what I love most.
No wonder this poem won gold.
You're amazing. -
I. Hate. Tense.
God, i love the last line. The suspense builds, then climaxes with the absolutly superb and powerful last line.
Amazing. -
I really love "as if it was safe" - it is such a great line, kind of demeaning in tone - and just wow! The rest of this poem is chilling, I really like the way that you have written this in such an obvious "hit the reader in the face" kind of way, but made it completely non-cliché and original great write!
Polly
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p.s. i reallyreallyreally like the brown and white together..it gives a good aura for the poem. if that made sense haha
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I really like this - it's very different. and you're right, the picture is really cool. i like it a lot and i dont think you screwed up haha
love you lots emmuuuuuu -
"something shattered /into tiny slivers of pain / as the cold metal "
very interesting and intense! I liked that prompt, but I had no idea what to write from it. brilliant poem, sweetheart. <3
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The last line = AMAZING.
You've grown so much as a writer since I've started reading your stuff.
I don't even know what to say to you. You and Polly have set the bar, hahaha.
Love it!
♣ Tegan
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