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Inaction In Action

Gracing the hearts of the masses
With your self-forgetting actions
You sacrifice your life through faith
That they may try to do the same

Compassion as fashion

Many bid on their open minds
They listen and watch wide-eyed
Allowed not a second to choose
Tearing half-way through the ideals

Distraction of traction

Just sit and perform your deeds
To please the you that hides beneath
Live through sunlight of compassion
With eyes shut and arms wide open

Inaction in action

In a list

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Zeprina-Jaz
    April 12, 2009

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    Oooh, self-forgetting actions... An amazing phrase! I love the one-liners with the internal rhymes... Some interesting ideas... Well done.

  • Westley
    April 12, 2009

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    I am not sure. I want to like this poem as I believe that it wants to say something, but I just can't make out what it is. The single lines 'comapssion as fashion' and 'distraction as traction' seem unnecessary, but perhaps that's just my opinion.

    I also like the two lines mentioned in the first comment.


  • a59teeth
    April 7, 2009

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    intriguing!!

    i love the point you're making here and you've done it well. the lines, 'to please the you that hides behind,' and 'with eyes shut and arms wide open,' are my favorites. i like that there's not a strong sense of condemnation here, only observation. i don't think i would change a thing to be quite honest!

  • Kimmiee65
    April 6, 2009

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    great

    I like the different segments of mind you have set up for the reader. It keeps your mind active and pondering.