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overtones of sepia are more vibrant

Missing image

 

I swallowed dreams

that sought clarity

in becoming

they left a bitter taste

on my silent tongue

in this place

time hardens

under the weight

of dried cement

 

each night

I watch fireflies

dancing

to the rhythmical beat

of their forebears 

it must be nice

to remember how to sway

to familial ties

 

in the quietude

of dead time

questions will never

gain entry

I don't care

for the marks they leave

 

the book of words

are glued to my brain

whispered mantras

on repeat

to quell the gaping chasm

of my fears 

perhaps if, if this is life 

can I return 

to the distant corners

of feeling and bask

in fervent emotions


it's impolite to stare

I am closed to you 

read me

and see for yourself 

I cling to fake

pulse-less fur 

whose heart beats

louder than mine 

 

do you dare

to look beneath

veiled appearances

beyond empty eyes

and understand

beyond all knowledge

 

that all I want

is to be found ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

picture credit : nostalgia by SuzyTheButcher @ deviantart.



In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 17 of 17
  • Macsword
    September 9

    Edit | Reply

    This poem...

    has a wonderful ending. My favorite stanza is the second, but the write as a whole is solic, and highly poetic. Well done poet.


  • crivanea silver member
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    well done


  • Menna
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful, i have to say I LOVE the title and all the meaning it brings with it and all it brings to your lovely poem, your style is beautiful and this was very well done. I wish you the best of luck in my contest.

    ~Menna

  • An excellent free verse piece that effectively captures a sense of aloneness and familial longing. Best of lcuk in my contest, and thanks for entering.

  • You need a question mark at the end, it will give more emphasis.

    While reading it, although I liked the images, I felt that they were really scattered and random. Then I got to the end and really liked it.


  • Fourthaxis
    May 30

    Edit | Reply
    Overtones of sepia feel quite textureless and drab after this. lol. A splendid end. Everyone afterall, does want to be found...

  • 93

    Title: 10/10
    Originality: 9/10
    Emotion: 9/10
    Grammar/Spelling: 9/10
    Flow/Structure: 9/10
    Imagery: 9/10
    Overall Use of Poetic Devices: 10/10
    Reaction: 9/10
    Rules: 10/10
    Overall: 9/10
    Totaling: 93/100

    Excellent. The title instantly drew me in and I liked where you took this. It has a sensual take to it, yet a longing, hopeful view to it. Your imagery was really good and I like how well this flowed. Nicely penned and good luck in the contest.

    Josh


  • individuality gold member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    ah dead time is an illusion, it forever pulses, we just miss it sometimes, and eyes as emoty as silence they too hold prestidigitation's smile, no matter the sighs we all want to be found.

    • Mariana gold member
      April 27
      Edit | Reply
      'Dead' time is my favourite time of the day because it is anything but.


  • artis
    April 8
    Edit | Reply

    this is excellent, it touches on so many of the insecurities and the need for comfort in life, don't touch it...~~Artis


    • Mariana gold member
      April 8
      Edit | Reply
      Too late...my hand touched the words on the screen. Does that count?

      Thank you


  • Draig aine gold member
    April 5

    Edit | Reply

    it seems

    you are so finding your voice , what a stunning write
    well done, sorry have nit been reading so much lately
    write on Sis write on


  • Cannonsfire
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    Reminds me of that song from Tommy.'see me, feel me, hear me'...sometimes you feel invisible and no one else cares that you are overwhelmed, too busy with themselves to notice you are even there. I hear you C

    • Mariana gold member
      April 5
      Edit | Reply
      Fankoo Sis...I can't want to speak to you!...
      When will you be in the Yew K?

1 - 17 of 17