I sat up slowly in bed
Feeling, an unwelcome feeling of dread.
Had I fell and hit my head?
Or had my fears come true
and he was here to do
The deed I so sought to ignore
And then I felt a pull to the floor
He was calling my name
But I felt quite the same
Where was my fear?
My screams for the world to hear?
They were gone
Like my life long
My heart pounded in my chest
As I saw him take off his vest
He was there to smother
Me and no other
For I lifted my head
And then I saw red,
And I knew I was dead.
What did you think
Comments
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Interesting! I must agree with the greeter below me; I was not expecting this piece to end like that! I thought it clever in incorporating a simple detail as "red" and using it for a title. I like it when authors do that.
I did notice a mere inconsistency in a few lines, as some were rhyming triolets instead of couplets, but that's easily fixed, and I think those were towards the beginning of the poem. Other than that, I don't see anything to fix . . . great job! And welcome to Allpoetry!
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Welcome to AllPoetry
What an ending! I was not expecting that even with the title; I love poems that leave me wondering until the last minute and then shock me like that
Painfully dark, and very well expressed - an excellent poem
I think the only suggestion I have is to maybe have a space in between each rhyming couplet just to help the flow a little
Just a thought
♥
Enjoy AllPoetry
Stay safe
~Manda
Site Greeter
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