Am i Alone

" I've never really given
thought on how i would die
but dieing in the place
of the one i love
seems a good way to go "

my life has been so complicated and there has been so much pain
that i thought that i would not get up
not make it through another day
suviving was not an option .

My mum died just a couple of month after my birth
i never got to see her or say goodbye .
i was adopted and from then
ive been alone.

My dad left me when i was born ,
he told my adoptive parents
that he couldnt take the resonsibilty
without my mother by his side.

I grew up alone , no brothers or sisters
it never really bothered me untill
i started thinking
of being alone .

My adoptive parents are great
the silver lining in the clouds
they have supported me
even though they dont have to .

Now i have another challange in my life
My adoptive dad is ill .
Mentally ill .
Can i cope ?

I have had one wish in my life
to be happy , to be able to cope
to look around and smile
at the passing butterfly

But instead i look at the world
in a different light
and i think ....
why are we alone ?

Then i say out loud


" I've never really given
thought on how i would die
but dieing in the place
of the one i love
seems a good way to go "