Dating Hoedown (Parody of Whose Line is it Anyway? Hoedowns)

Well I loved this one man
He was my whole world
Then I found out
That he loved a skinny girl.

He said I was too fat
That I looked like a cow
Boy if you could see
His "true love" right now.

She used to look like Barbie
And I looked like Shamu
Now she weighs 500 pounds
And I'm 182.

The moral of this story
Is so very strange
Don't love outside looks
Cause at some point they will change.

I met this handsome man
Who asked me to give him head
I found out a few nights later
What he wanted instead...

He said he liked my technique
But I cannot lie
What he really wanted
Was for me to be a guy.

I went to meet this one man
That I found online
He said he was a drinker
And I said it was fine.

One thing he failed to mention
His favorite drink was dark and red
He had to drink a pint of blood
Before he went to bed.