1.
dark brown eyes
stared at me
from atop the hill
with something like fury
rushing at me from all sides.
caught in a trap,
tornadoes lift me higher,
higher until I can no longer
breathe.
2.
fists clenched
the skies are toppling over,
the moon is replacing the sun,
dioxide is switched with monoxide
and I’m suffocating
from all this new information.
darwin taught me nothing
I cannot adapt to this new life.
3.
our fingers trail in rivers
waiting for the fish to bite,
or until osmosis happens to
tighten up our scales.
4.
I would do anything
to have you back again.
Author notes
prompt: oxygen
I'm sorry this is horrid.
3/150
In a list
A contest entry
- Let your muse play with my words: by Randomly Beautiful.
1000 points, ended April 7, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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this isn't horrid it may not be your best, but it's still a lot better than most of the stuff on this site.
i like stanza 2. -
This doesn't really have a flow.
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"darwin taught me nothing
I cannot adapt to this new life."
I don't think its horrid! I loved the imagery and the flow. This form was new to me and I enjoyed reading it, it provokes some thought and the word choice is very well done.
Luck in the contest.
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thank you
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rushing at me from all sides
-I love this imagery. You have such an inspiring style of writing, it never ceases to amaze me.
and I’m suffocating
from all this new information
-Gah; well i'm suffocating from all this brilliance...
The end = god damn magnificen.
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this was very interesting, not horrid. true, it's not your best, but it's not bad in the least. some of my favourite parts were "fists clenched / the skies are toppling over," and "or until osmosis happens to / tighten up our scales."
best of luck in the contest you've entered. <3
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It's not horrid. I can easily see how the poem fits the prompt. I love these lines:
"darwin taught me nothing
I cannot adapt to this new life."
best of luck in that contest.
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