When broken dreams discordantly play
like a merry-go-round in the head
and harmonious laughter in a stay
locked inside and silence instead.
I can’t hold the memories back
those visions seep forward unbidden
blue dancing eyes and raven hair black
tears creep down my face unhidden.
The loss is deep under darkness cloaked
I can’t see the sunshine through the pain
not a word since, has my lips evoked
Listening to the mourning music strain.
Author notes
Hope this does it for you. 
A contest entry
- .:. Take My Breath Away .:. by DecorusApparatus.
1400 points, ended April 14, 42 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Help me reach my 2000 comment By entering your poetry by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended May 11, 251 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - pif/round contest part one - prewrite's by serenity silvermoon.
800 points, ended July 10, 566 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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WOW that was so amazing you really have an interesting poem here
The Positives:
great imagery this was very clever, and origional.
Room For Improvement:
Nothing I can see you did wonderful
My Favorite Part:
When broken dreams discordantly play
like a merry-go-round in the head
and harmonious laughter in a stay
locked inside and silence instead.
The beginning really sucked me in
Overall:
I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~
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Wow what imagery you've used here. I really think this is a great write. I thank you for entering the contest. Unfortunately you've already won a trophy and therefore are being removed from the contest because this breaks the rules. Thanks. kahy
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Yes, this should have a trophy..the flow and rhyme here is outstanding...Excellent for the mood and subject and your word play is as your poem..It makes it's own music here...though a bittersweet ending brings it to its finality...Very good neph...*a.
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...it took a few reads (because I'm a real poem snob) but I actually like this quite a bit...the metaphors correlate very well and even though the context is yet again something of full blown negativity...anomality of it gives it some numinous power...I think you should be in the finals for that...why she waited for me I don't know...I'll add you for her...
Oliver
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This is very elegant and the words play the elegant music so delightfully. Awesome read.
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Yes it did do it for me! Thank you Beautifully expressed.
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very poetic and beautifully written! great job!!
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Oh wow, this is quite something.
I can't quite place why I like it so much but it's quite exceptional.
Finalist perhaps.
I'll talk to my other judge.
Thank you for entering this into my contest.
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Bubs,
It is like you are reading my mind in this one! few minor details are differents, but the overall feel, and thoughts are right on target...
What a great job you did on this one! I love it!
Best of luck in this contest!
and love
Nyetta
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