hair in my face by candlelight
striving my guitar as tears rain broken halos
I think to myself
this is not my face
these are not my hands
while I float on liquid notes
falling fast from fingers and eyes
I pray in mouthless tongues
for nothingness
well apart from the deepening numbness
of poison
love is crushed in opiate sweeps
cottoning words that dripped acid
from her sweet lips
morphine never broke my heart
Author notes
This is about the end of my marriage and the addiction that numbed the pain.
In a list
Does it flow well?
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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I will take a shot of morphine. Goes well with moon pies.
Gtratness in the written word.
Joe
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I love the twist at the end, the power of unrequited love has destroyed as many poor souls as any drug on this earth. Great write.
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sometimes whatever it takes it takes...
these are clear and heavy words full of detached imagery and emotions.
ken
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Ouch! I know the pain and so sorry for you all...written with style and grace...
Best forever!
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I love it! I love the way you wrote this and the last line is the best!
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shocked
i just started reading your poems. THIS IS SOO GOOD.
"hair in my face by candlelight
striving my guitar as tears rain broken halos" amazing.
"cottoning words that dripped acid
from her sweet lips
morphine never broke my heart" OMG orgasmic.
LOL oki ill stop bein a creep now. <3
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Beautiful
They say that opiates are pain killers ,but I think it makes you go deeper into the pain-not really away from it.Love your writin' man.
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hair in my face by candlelight
striving my guitar as tears rain broken halos
In this context are you "struggling" your guitar?
I got hung-up here
I pray in mouthless tongues
for nothingness
well apart from the deepening numbness
of poison
love is crushed in opiate sweeps
morphine never broke my heart
Such sweet-sorrow.
Stay
liquid
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From Webster's:
Strive: 1 : to devote serious effort or energy
Which is exactly what I was doing.
Thanks for reading.
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Ah, the last line gave me chills.
It is because I love this poem so much that I want to make a teeny suggestion and that is to remove the word "well". I think what follows is so strong that it doesn't need to come across as an afterthought.
This is definitely my favorite so far though Full of vivid imagery and creativity, especially the line "falling fast from fingers and eyes" - it touched me more than any of the others. I think it is that notion of falling, not so much physically, but away from people we care about. Great alliteration there too.
Excellent
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The emotion here is so pure and heart-breaking. The way you twined the music motif and the addiction is mind-blowing, and the feelings they produce are like a kick in the face when you're down. You shock me every time with your talent.
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"morphine never broke my heart"
my gosh
so sad.. i cant even articulate the words....
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Such a sense of detachment, sorry to hear about the marriage, and the pseudo-new woman. Hope your over both.
Flows well. I like the phrase; 'opiate sweeps'...
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I read your words and truly felt the "out of body" experience...efforts to detach from the pain through numbing oneself beyond recognition.
"morphine never broke my heart" is an amazing line and closes this poem perfectly.
The source of addiction becomes an easy friend of sorts, reliable in what it provides with no second guessing or worries allbeit a wolf in sheep's clothing.
Tremendous write.
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loss is hard brother
you should check out a couple songs if you can find them: Sam Stone by John Prine ( it was covered well by Evan Dando) and The Pilgrim by Kriss Kristofferson. I don't know why but sometimes I relate things in my life to music, and these two songs just kinda popped into my head.
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I dig those songs, man.
Love that old shiz.
I've neglected it on my playlist.
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the power of your pen
is so profound in this write, I am at a loss for words,when pain is so strong you pray to be someone else you cant believe it is you that this is happening to and yet i still write, I have been
sitting here for 10 minutes trying to write what i have written. this has moved me .
Blessings
Rend
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no words.
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"I pray in mouthless tongues
for nothingness"
I've prayed this prayer.. just one of many lines here that were beautifully crafted and moving.
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I had to stop back to this one. I think this is my favorite
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Outstanding imagery and the words read with ease very well written the emotions are overwhelming, lost of a love and addiction a deadly mixture...
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i lost someone i loved. i thought i would never recover, and when i started to, i felt almost ashamed...because i had survived. i think of all the pieces you have written, this one i can identify with the most. love, lane
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I especially like your use of vocabulary, the imagery that you always use, and your use of adjectives - "liquid notes", "mouthless tongues", "deepening numbness", "cottoning words", etc...
This piece does a great job at conveying the pain that you felt, great job!
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Sad.
When ones in a relationship they want as much as they give and sometimes thats not always the case. When life becomes a routine and theres no more spark thats when things go bad. If one person closes off their feelings and emotions towards their spouse then theres no point in a relationship anymore is there? I mean seriously how much more can a person give without being thanked or at least acknowledged before giving up?
Your poem was very well written.
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Uhmmm
Writer's have to get it all on the table...musicians, artist, singers, we are all the same but don't we do it where it's tolerable, easier for us to take and those who listen to us...i'm a prisoner of yo words.
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'this is not my face, these are not my hands'... oh how I remember that feeling of everything being my nothing. Poignant piece..
Stacy
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ah i have been there with the endings and then numbing - though i took an alcohol route, still stuck to its grip
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each time i read something you write, it touches me in some way... this was emotion coming together on different levels for me. a void to fill, a sadness to release, a numbness i can't feel. excellent write...
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Awww,
Must you sadden me this early in the morning?
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