50 reasons I hate you

You once said to me
"I could count the ways you make me smile"
But you only got to number 4
Before your attention was caught
By a passing blond

So my ode to you
My lovely, darling,
(Insert foul word here)
Is the top 50
(Yes my attention span is longer than yours)
Things that make you...
Well... loathsome

Number one has you being foul mouthed
You used the C word on our first date

Number two show's you looking at other girls
I saw you watching her when she bent over

Number three puts you in the pig category
When you "accidentally" grabbed her breast

Number four makes you an idiot
Because you grabbed my ass in front of my father

Number five makes me pissed
When you got jealous of my best friends

Number six is for when you ditched me
While I was sick with the flu

Number seven is more like eight nine and ten
When they told me you slept with some other girl

I consider number eleven my own fault
When I forgave you for your "drunken slip"

Number twelve counts for twelve through twenty
Cause I found out there were eight other drunken slips afterward

Number twenty shows how insecure you are
When you called me 47 times the night after I declared us done

Twenty one is when you crashed my date two weeks later
Drunken and holding a cracker-jack-box ring

Twenty two, because you asked me to marry you
After pouring red wine down my white dress

Twenty three covers twenty four, five, and six
When you punched my date

I consider twenty seven, eight, nine, and thirty, to be enough
To cover when the cops came to carry you away
And you grabbed my wine covered dress
Ripping it off in the middle of the restaurant

Thirty through forty is for every tear stained letter you wrote
While you were incarcerated

And Forty one through forty five
Is for when you ignored the restraining order

Forty six is for making me call the cops
And putting you back in jail

Forty Seven is for remembering the restraining order
When you got out, but still staying within eyesight

Forty Eight is for showing up at my parents house
When I wasnt home and asking to be let in my room
To get your stuff (Aka MY stuff)

Forty nine is for showing up at my wedding 4 years later
Right as the minister asked that annoying question

And fifty is because I'm sorry...
That I broke your nose and then your arm
But I only did it because you were a jerk
An ass, a moron, an (insert foul word here)