I wish I could go back
to that darkest day
the day my floodgates opened
to when I thought God betrayed.
It was April 3rd
the day of my sons funeral
a day I let it all come out
nothing that unusual.
I wish I could have understood
what I understand now
that God didn't kill my baby
it was the suffering he wouldn't allow.
And suffering is what He would have
had he not had died
I know now that God wouldn't let him live that way
and that is why he died.
The darkest day of April
is this very day
the day I could not understand
but would understand one day.
Author notes
My son died March 30th 1999, the same day he was born and his funeral was on April 3rd 1999
I used to blame God for his death and it took me years to come to terms with the reason why he left me so soon. I know now that God would not let him suffer.....I understand now and I am glad my son did not suffer.
In Loving Memory Of Caleb Michael Shockey
When I read this to myself...it seems rather repetitive...but I think I was just trying to get my point across. I may edit it at a later date.
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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im sorry you lost your son and im glad you ahve come to peace with it muma o at lest are tryng to
blessings to you and him -
sorry to hear about your lost
this was a good poem, made me cry, sry to hear that i hope you keep strong -
Please don't edit. I'm glad you've come to terms with your loss and, you have my deepest sympathy. I'm a firm believer in angels, also in the saying,"God doesn't make mistakes". Your baby is an angel flying happily about God's kingdom, pain free. We've all lost someone and, became angry with Him for our loss. The good thing is with strong belief and faith HE takes away our anger, lessens our pain. I can't begin to understand how you feel or felt losing your child but, I do with all my heart believe each time a smile crosses your face, your baby smiles with you because he knows you are healing too. Thank you for posting this and, God bless.
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Stunning!
I told you that you would never run out of words to describe how you felt and still feel to this day about your first born son. Never will you forget or fully understand why this happened to him. The more I read the more I respect you for the mother you are and the love you have for your children. We all blame God for something once and awhile, and you used this poem perfectly to demonstrate how you just couldn't fathom why He would take your boy from you. I love you, and this is just another piece of your road to being an exceptional poet ( :
I love you * muah*
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Most touching
How the heart aches for the grieving process begins whilst life is still at hand, death is for the dying this cannot be undone. How a prayer could be of any use when in this God we lose faith, yet must we all descend to the darkest of hells to see that there is truth in Life, Love and the Ever After.
How I would so love to comfort thee yet all I can offer is a virtual hug and perhaps a little poetic abstraction on this sacrifice we call life.
I like it, I like it so!
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Thank you for such comforting words
yes...I was told that if my son did live at all he would be blind, deaf and not able to eat....therefore he would suffer. I used to think before I had him(because I knew when I was pregnant that he would die)That I hoped he would be born alive so I could tell him how much mommy loved him but I am glad now that he left peacefully just upon entering this world. I could not have handled watching him die. But I still feel selfish in wanting him here. Thank you for reading and commenting and for your virtual hugs! Many blessings
Jessie
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