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[My Grin]

his voice
finds the silent spaces
in my heart
filling it with the
music of his words

his touch
wipes away the pain
enfolding
me in the warmth of love
shutting  out the clutter of our days

his eyes
find me as beautiful today
as he did
  when we first met
               in dreamtimes haunted past         

                             


In a list

A contest entry

this is a work in progress,constructive comments

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 36 of 36

  • Everwind Rising
    November 22
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    This is quite beautiful. I love the descriptions you use and the imagery. Being a musician I'm especially fond of the musical references. I feel the real love and appreciation here--how deeply he touches you with his love and affection. This is lovely and heart-felt writing.


    • Draig aine gold member
      November 22
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      my humble thanks, and you are correct it is written from the heart


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    Beautiful
    A haunting love tanka
    Love this
    Congrats on the honorable mention
    Hugs
    Susan~~~


  • mgmc gold member
    September 23

    Edit | Reply
    Another beautiful poem about love. Beautiful use of words, great imagery. Great and a treat to read.

    • Draig aine gold member
      September 23
      Edit | Reply

      ah you have a knack for picking my fav writes, it also is true, he does fill me with joy

  • deop gold member
    September 13

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    phenomenal

    In dreamtimes haunted past, so so beautiful my dear draig aine.


    • Draig aine gold member
      September 13
      Edit | Reply
      thanks we meet in dream time for distance seperates our bodies bit not our hearts


  • Stevie.me
    July 23
    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Wow this is sooooooooooo good. =)


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    July 12
    Edit | Reply

    excellent~

    Oh I loved this...
    Very romantic...and love the last stanza...
    For some reason that just grabbed me sighs...
    I have posted 2 new ones..one quite different for me..free verse and not nature either lol..............do hope you come give mine a read as well
    Congrats on the honorable mention....it would of been a winner in my book
    Hugs n love
    Your new sis
    Susan~~~


    • Draig aine gold member
      July 12
      Edit | Reply

      thank you dear one

      this was written more for me, then for the contest, i thank you for your kind support

      will pop over and read your writes

      Annie


  • inder silver member
    July 3

    Edit | Reply

    Very romantic indeed

    This is a delightful read...extremely romantic and the end is so befitting ! thoroughly enjoyed it.


  • Maggie Kay gold member
    June 19

    Edit | Reply
    beautifully writen. flows well and full of emotion. keep it up
    kmp


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    May 17

    Edit | Reply

    Aww Sweet...

    Love it, Sis...
    Soft, tender & heartfelt...
    Great form in a flowing narrative that touched me in its depth & beauty...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!


  • Daizee silver member
    May 10
    Edit | Reply
    Sigh...that's all.. just sigh

    Stacy


  • Shantti silver member
    April 9

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    Sweet my dear Draig, strikes the heart as usual!
    Congrats on the greenie thingy.


  • Riftkin gold member
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    He sounds like a dream come true..
    someone each lady would be happy to find.

    Best of luck to you with this in my contest.

    Riftkin

    • Draig aine gold member
      April 9
      Edit | Reply

      my humble thanks

      am I dreaming, I hope not, but if so, wake me not


  • Mariana gold member
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful Sis. It is now my favourite write of yours. Well done.

    Mariana  


  • hawkeslake gold member
    April 4

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    Very romantic and the last stanza is especially heart-warming, "his eyes find me as beautiful today as he did when we first met..." I found my heart just beating a bit faster, because of the memories this brought to mind. Well-done! Lita


  • DolceVito gold member
    April 4

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    Excellent take on the prompt, beutifully expressed as usual...Ah, love, love! I love it

    • Draig aine gold member
      April 4
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      yes but

      still not happy with the last line of the last stanza, any suggestions


      • DolceVito gold member
        April 4
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        I think the last line works well; it gives the piece a bit of mystery, makes the reader go "hmm." I'd leave it as is.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    April 4

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    aaww..

    sweetly penned, gosh you got thing romance thing down..to a science! ..this looks like a shiny contender for certain..

  • Bruce silver member
    April 4

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    This is one of your best my dear! Truly wonderful! I could point to a dozen places. The clutter of our days - a memorable phrase.


    • Draig aine gold member
      April 4
      Edit | Reply

      my humble thanks and a grin

      but I need to work on the last line, sounds too much much like a hallmark card, but oh well, yes the clutter is true enough

1 - 36 of 36