How I define Myself

Kathaleen Kasper: noun; 

I believe in the miracle called life, if the miracle occurs at a particular time in which you are comfortable. I believe that death is necessary in some situations, only when the time is right though, and who is anyone to judge when that time is wrong, because everything happens for a reason.
I believe it’s easier to mean what you say than say what you mean, because some feelings can’t be described in words, and even if they can sometimes the words run away. They run away like I would run away- without ever looking back, because some words are better left unsaid and some memories better off forgotten.
I believe it’s possible to forgive but never to forget and both the good and bad times define my life because no one’s life is either one of the other. Life is a gray area in a colored map of what I call society. Politics are the black area I chose to ignore and rainbows and butterflies are the white area that I try to mix with my gray without completely tainting promises and silly childhood laughter.
And I do believe in laughter- in moderation, like drinking and sex- too much is never good. The proper way to live is to find the right balance of laughter- the “I’m drunk off my ass and will never remember this tomorrow” as well as the innocent laughter of children, and the sarcastic kind- just a pinch of the last though because
It’s all about balance, and I believe in the balance of body, mind and soul although I never can seem to achieve all at once. If I am mentally sane it’s because I’m overeating and I truly would rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable, however I am the worst of both- fat and miserable and I’m okay with that (not because I really am okay of course) but because I should be okay, because being okay and saying I’m fine is easier than I’m admitting I’m not.
At the same time I believe that strength is being able to admit to one’s faults, weakness is holding it all in, and sadly for me the rest of the world and I never seem to agree on this, because crying is bad and there are only two emotions joy, and anger. I think it’s ironic that I’m neither content nor particularly angry at my life. I could think of about ten other emotions than those yet I must be categorized in what it “socially accepted.”
If your couldn’t tell by my tone I am a firm believer in pessimism, because once the glass is half empty there is no mark of disappointment to reach, except bottom- and bottom is pretty much when the happy pills come in and I become robotic with joy and plastered smiles, and personally I would rather take my own life rather than fall victim to that pathetic version of life owning me.
I believe in sarcasm and speaking my mind- even at the most inappropriate times. If I feel it is say it- though sometimes I modify it to be classy although this technique also fits under the pseudonym “passive- aggression.”
If you know me well, you will understand why I believe in “What’s right isn’t always easy, and easy certainly isn’t always right.” In fact in my case it’s as wrong as it can be, because people are selfish and put themselves before others and that is why there are things such as poverty, world hunger and wars, and on the smaller scale my demise, or in a less dramatic word; misery.
I believe the world can be a better place, if everyone just chipped in. And no one is willing to chip in because no one is willing to work as a team everyone wants to be a hero, or be famous and that’s the wrong way to look at things.
Through time I’ve learned to believe that I can’t change anyone but myself, and it’s not easy to accept this because even though I know it- I don’t always feel it and feelings are most important. Because my feelings are mine, and no one can take them from me even if I am being irrational.
I believe that I am a woman and with that comes strength, maturity and insight, all of which I possess on a level that is “beyond my years”, or so I’m told, and I can’t really decide if that is a good or bad thing because what goes around comes around when it comes back around it always seems to hit me harder, than I initially sent it off. Somehow it seems to knock me down even though most people would shrug it off, and that sucks I think- that I personalize things and maybe I shouldn’t, but the important thing is I learn from it and I brush my knees off and keep going because that’s who I am. And what I’m used to doing and if my teenage brain is not mistaken it directly correlates to the fact that I am female.
I believe that although I’m but months away from being an adult- I’m just a kid. The kind that needs hugs and kisses and praise. I want to be tucked in and told I’m worth it and most of all; I want to be loved, but some things will never change and that’s awfully depressing. It’s a part of life I have to get used to. Which isn’t easy or fair and usually isn’t right.
I believe that I am not in the worst situation I can be in, but I have tasted certain bitter things and they haven’t hurt me per say but given me experience and courage to face another day. Because the world isn’t sugarcoating, pats on the back and boxes of puppies it has some downfalls – and they can be overcome with experience, knowledge and love, I do wish my parent’s loved me- really loved me in the way that a parent is supposed to love a child but I do what I have to even if it hurts me and I pull my weight even when it’s heavy and I won’t stop. And that’s not saying I don’t breakdown sometimes- because I do- and I bet there are times when you wouldn’t recognize me- and it’s by the grace of God you don’t
And with that I believe in perseverance- through thick and thin and ups and downs. And when I say “I can’t” I know it really means  “I can” because “can’t” is nothing but a way of saying “I don’t want to” and there are lots of things I don’t want to do, but have to do and I look inside myself for courage, because living life involves a special courage that can only be found in me, it cannot be borrowed or stolen.
So I conclude that I believe in myself- even when I don’t think so- because if I don’t then who will?