What the world needs today,
Is a renaissance of spirituality,
Bringing back the aromatic flavour,
Like the fermented tea leaves, O writer,
Fading in the evils is humanity,
We surely need intervention of Divinity.
*~*Aun Ali*~*
{Lead by Example}
Author notes
Using the two words as stated below, I painted this picture full of words,
If not success in contest then, may please the hostess, my humble words.
1. Tea Leaves
2. Renaissance
Comments
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vey well written...
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The way you've woven together the images in lines 2-5 is wonderful. The comparison and the metaphors are good. You show us a vivid picture where I can even smell the "aromatic flavour".
However, your first and last line only tells us. It's like you're stating a fact and it weakens the effect of the mid lines. If you could have shown more such beautiful descriptions, explaining how and what is needed to bring about this "renaissance of spirituality" it would have been wonderful.
Right now, as it stands, the piece is too short to appreciate. I feel that you could have extended it with more descriptions but you've ended up preaching.
The descriptions of HOW is missing.
I hope you can think upon this. -
Masterful
No other words in my vocabulary can describe this poem. KillerRain
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