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Contemplating Intention

I sit back and weave a pen through my fingers-
an insidious little quirk of mine when impatience,
horniness,  and a thirst for thick dark rum
begin to stir in the pit of my stomach.

It is insane
the way he makes me feel;
this lip-biting, thigh-sliding frustration
he so carefully manipulates into cozy conversation-
he is a maestro laid back in unzipped jeans
orchestrating with a finger how he wants to spin my buttons
and lick my name from nipple to nipple.

I breathe and he taunts me
with semi-availability, then offers me a bed and a cock

in a bad boy way, ( God, it’s the only way)
with urgent (come on!) eyes-
I know better than this, but better doesn’t make me laugh
until my cheeks hurt or make me wish so hard...

A bottle sits at the corner of my desk
gleaming with amber promise and at least one
sheet-twisting orgasm, and I cannot help it - I smile,
I spin in my chair, I allow the angst to ripple-ride
down my roller coaster spine

he wants me!



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Author notes

Revised.

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Comments

1 - 49 of 49

  • wbiro gold member
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    that first line draws extreme loneliness out of me for some reason...

    oh, there you go, horny with a buzz again...!

    and there's that 'he' again... an uneasy feeling tells me it isn't the same 'he' as the other 'love' pieces... (which you might want to change to 'wanton sex'...)

    if you want the guy readers to 'jump into' the poem, then 'he' should be 'you', or, more precisely, 'any of you, first come, first serve'...

    Now, to be fair, I know that you are playing to a certain male audience... the kind I would not get along with at all... so keep that in mind in regards to my 'into the window' critiques... they are biased as such...

    again, a deep literary well... sophisticated, creative, original, and I'll bet you just spun it off...

    three clappies for your spinning abilities...



  • hisaddiction
    June 27
    Edit | Reply
    very sensual, Gorgeous piece. You write with passion, regardless of topic...Simply gorgeous.


  • Sesheta
    April 24

    Edit | Reply
    I feel like half your brain is solely for wonderfully, totally unique, odd metaphors that get me everytime. Plus all those nuances that need to be read and reread for days.


  • glenn shannon silver member
    April 20

    Edit | Reply
    very sexy and nice , like the taunts withsemi availabilty tom cat with wife and kid waiting at home very clever


    • Dalaney gold member
      April 21
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for reading and for the applause
      i'll be by your poetry, too.

      love, lane


  • Night Terrors
    April 19

    Edit | Reply
    wow!!!!! Now that was so freakin sexy! you did an amazing job


    The Positives:

    You really had a sexy write here so erotic, and I loved the imagery

    The Negatives:

    Nothing that I see great job



    My Favorite Part:
    I breathe and he taunts me
    with semi-availability, then offers me a bed and a cock

    in a bad boy way, ( God, it’s the only way)
    with urgent (come on!) eyes-
    I know better than this, but better doesn’t make me laugh
    until my cheeks hurt or make me wish so hard...


    Now that was hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Overall:

    I give this an 7/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~


  • TheLyricsArePoetry gold member
    April 14
    Edit | Reply
    whoa!! sizzle sizzle - love it xx


  • Heart Sutra
    April 11
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent, of course.


  • JinSays gold member
    April 10

    Edit | Reply

    Laney!!!!!!
    Ohmy.. .

    and that's about all I can come up with to say.
    Love to ya girlie.
    Jin


  • sheltered
    April 9
    Edit | Reply
    god damn
    this made me wish that I was he
    and you were you and
    we were

    • Dalaney gold member
      April 9
      Edit | Reply
      lol...hello, Tim
      thank you for making
      me smile.

      xx


  • Little-Buster
    April 8

    Edit | Reply
    Love this poem!
    Its one of my favorites!
    Tis going in my favorite folder lol

    -Buster


  • Little-Buster
    April 8
    Edit | Reply
    Love this poem!
    Its one of my favorites!
    Tis going in my favorite folder lol

    -Buster


  • poetryality silver member
    April 7

    Edit | Reply
    Mmmmm...

    The sensuality drips from this work of wonder dear sister. I think the only reason you didn't notice me hiding out in the corner watching is because you were so caught up in the nuance of the moment, or was it the hour?

    " he is a maestro laid back in unzipped jeans
    orchestrating with a finger how he wants to spin my buttons
    and lick my name from nipple to nipple."

    PERFECT!

    Deliciously enchanted, I am after reading this. I don't know what was written before the revision but this poem makes me break out into a moist fever.


    Love YOU ♥

    Renee

  • eyelids shut
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is fire, honey! Its sexy and dark but it doesnt wallow in it...

    hot like you.








  • Oleander
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed the intense imagery, and hardcore true-to-self tone to the whole poem. These certain poems are so edgy, raw, brutal, & spontaneous. Teasing the senses and nudging the internal with the external. You have an amazing style. Although the title could be more effective. Perhaps the 'contemplating' part throws me off because it seems more like a Zen type word. Overall I think this really stands out as a poem.


  • Emmyb gold member
    April 5

    Edit | Reply
    sexy. very very sexy. amazing picture painted here. i giggled once or twice also.

    and a cock in a bad boy way, ( God, it’s the only way)


    yup

    a pleasing write - tempting and suggestive, and giggle-naughty.


    E


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    April 4

    Edit | Reply
    Your imagery is amazing
    You place the reader in that moment and let them "feel the temperature rise" just as well

    Great piece
    Well written


  • Pure Thought silver member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply

    Oh, my Lady :)

    you seem to find that last line surprising... why?

    Perfectly teasing heat with enough fuel to turn up the flames.


  • white stone
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    I've read this six times looking for a flaw, a word I would change, a divergence in tone, something...and found none of these.
    Make that seven.
    Lick your name... oh sweet cursive... lip-biting thigh-sliding frustration indeed...
    When I read most peoples erotica,I picture it dirty. It just comes into my mind that way.
    Yours on the other hand comes in clean, all fine marble and expensive mirrors. Stellar perfumes. Well done hair.
    I can't find anything to change.
    The reason I haven't commented on much of your work is this: I'm going to go through your work, color by color, night by night, until I am through.
    I want those nights to be clear of distractions.


  • tomisb
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    course.
    'cause.
    smiles.
    hard wired
    with reasons.


  • Yemassee gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, someone always wants someone, or rather, "thing" what most people really want are things...well, so I am calling them. It's one of the few virtues of aging, a cessation of lustful wanting...and I don't just mean sex...in fact I don't even mean it specifically.

    It's an interesting little roller coaster...thank goodness I'm scared of anything beyond the pony rides...the highs and lows sound emotionally harmful, but I'm not exactly known for my excitability so what would I know?

    So when the pen rolls, something is up...a quirk I am sure that fellow knows...we suddenly become quick learners when the game is afoot.

    That's the way I feel about Moxie...exactly like that, lol

    I'm noticing a trend in your poetry, well, in one type of your poetry...sex often comes with dual emotions and is rarely a simple pleasure. There are stratagems and variegating desires and actions which are resisted, even while being pursued. There seem to be users and abusers and those two extremes are often within the same person or persons.

    There also is a good amount of intellectualizing and psychological second guessing, the thinking man/woman's 's guide to sexual motives. It's always good to know why we and they do what is done, even if in the end, we ignore it and do it anyway.


    • Dalaney gold member
      April 3

      Edit | Reply
      shhhh...actually in real life...i like to just cuddle, hold hands, eat ice cream, and watch good movies, and i don't philosophize at all... poetic license is a lot of fun...Shar-pei


      • Yemassee gold member
        April 3
        Edit | Reply
        Don't give yourself away...you have devoted readers here!

        But good to know. lol

        • Dalaney gold member
          April 3
          Edit | Reply
          i'm sure they wouldn't fault me for not being the vamp 24/7

          • Yemassee gold member
            April 3
            Edit | Reply
            Well I guess my 2 readers won't assume I toss people down wells either.


  • Malabu
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    i can't write like this...
    one of the many other poems i wish to write
    but inept i ponder those words i do lend to paper
    bring me to think i'm not the writer id like to be
    i think myself...unthinkable

    you rock woman...
    who's this lucky man? im jealous

    • Dalaney gold member
      April 3
      Edit | Reply
      what you write is the poetry
      I read, so hush....xx


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    Not only do I wish I'd written this, but I wish I had experienced this .. just once in my life .
    This is so intense, it's beautiful

    Love
    Sue

  • silverfish
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    these stirrings of life from the primordial soup of impatience, horniness and thirst make me want to get up and walk around on hind legs. -spinefish

  • Rowan gold member
    April 3
    Edit | Reply
    oh...
    this is hot. Love, love it.
    And yes, I'm jealous. sighs


  • Daizee silver member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    I hate that feeling of someone making you feel not in control. Course, it's usually a man lol. You've described the anxiety, restlessness, and thrill ( oh, the thrill...) perfectly

    Love,
    Stacy


  • PerVirtuous
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    You mean, there's someone who doesn't? This is fun. Word games on skin... why didn't I think of that? You are a genius!


  • Amera gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    I know him! Damn! I thought he was licking my name on my chest! Oh well... at least he wanted my sister too. (Perfect! Like all your poetry; this is a true mind trip)

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Nicolette gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    "lick my name from nipple to nipple" - (wo)man! my eyes got stuck there

    wow, nobody writes sensuality like you do...no wonder he wants you. thanks for this nipple-ride...sighs!!

    ~ Nicolette


  • sweet arrival gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    insane indeed... like a kick me in the ass, what am i thinking insane... but what a feeling to be able to sit back and smile without knowing you are... everyone that comes to read sees it and they, too, leave, with a smile, not realizing. that's just how you write, in my opinion at least.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    Yep he does!!!

    Unfortunately I'm not he

    translate the rest of the poem across the genders and I want to be you

    perfectly penned by the perfect poet

    Jeff


  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    April 3
    Edit | Reply
    What's left to contemplate?
    Sounds like you want him too.


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    April 3
    Edit | Reply
    ... the way you write... I could envy the bloke!


  • notorious gold member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    Well, if you don't understand it, you deffs know how to write it.

    "an insidious little quirk of mine"
    That sounds so personalized to yourself (I'm not talking about custom-made picture frames, but it sounds like it, doesn't it?) The word 'insidious' just works sooo well with 'quirk'.

    "he so carefully manipulates"
    LOVE the way you used 'manipulates'.
    ... it's... attractive, in a sickly Machiavellian way.

    "semi-availability"
    You smartass.
    Love ze hyphenated phrase...it's so teasing.

    ;
    Jessica


  • csmmoms2
    April 3

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Your poetry has taken a new turn. It has an urgency to be sure. Love knows no time or place...it just is. You wait for fire and it just appears. -c


  • thepoetssoul
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    Exellent piece of poetry, love the sensual images and metaphor.
    Splendidly written in vivid colour and taste.
    Be blessed in all you do.

    Tony


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    April 2
    Edit | Reply
    I don't think I am reading this however Chez is
    but....

    Holymoley!

    mmm


  • Cannonsfire
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    Yeah I think I can vaguely remember that sensation lol...but your words make it all the more memorable for having felt that way once in my life. I wonder if we get a second chance at it? C

1 - 49 of 49