Thinking of forevers.

I tap my nails rhythmically on your spine, pretending to play piano and just waiting for the notes to screech out of your open mouth. I close my eyes desperately and wait for you to tell me something, anything to save me. To let me know your not weary of me, that the dark violet circles under your eyes aren't because the lullabies you rock me with every night. I could tell you now, that I have fallen in love, but I promised I wouldn't lie.

I bite my bottom lip and in this one second a tear slips down my cheek and disrupts the silent symphony I'm playing for you. I've never known someone who promises me forevers like you do. Someone who makes the fairytale endings come true, and the beginnings start over and over, and replay in my mind every day. I remember one day when we were walking through the city, our knuckles interlocked, your kisses had left my lips swollen and my cheeks red, you told me 'There's 864,000 seconds in a day that I think of you.' I couldn't believe you, even if I tried.

I try to think of the future constantly, attempting to catch a glimpse of you in it. You said you wanted to grow old together. I said I'd rather die young than get old, When we get old pieces of us die and wither away, they fade. No longer would you tap cadences into my hip bones, but you would stay on your side, like an invisible wall would be separating us, right down the middle. No longer would you hold me with the fire in your eyes you have now, but it would dull, and go out. You will tire of me.

So I sit here, in your arms, with my nails tapping at your shoulder blades. Thinking of how long forever will be for you. I close my eyes and listen to the distant notes of a piano. A single tear slides down the hollows of my cheek bones as I think of how withdrawn we will become. How the fires inside of us will lick and burn at each other, until the embers do nothing but glow and then the fire will burn out. You look at me and say 'I love you baby' and I tell you I love you back.

Thinking of forevers only makes it harder in the end.