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Dead-Color Dreamscapes

Wandering angel
With no wings to fly
She's lonely and ragged
And broken inside

This diamond-edged darkness
Against a bruised sky
Hides nothing but torment
Shows nothing but lies

It's taking her heart as
She's ripping it deep
Just feeling the anguish
And ready to leap

Her dead-color dreamscapes
Fall down at her feet
They withered with years
Of neglect and defeat

She's garnered with cobwebs
Surrounded by dust
The remains of the memories
Of lifetimes of distrust

She's digging for answers
And tossing out lies
But the lies are too numerous
There's not enough time

She's losing it now
She tips over the ledge
As the feelings catch up
She falls over the edge

The sounding of poison
Goes off in her head
A dark white surrounds her
With nothing but dread

Half-truths are abounding
Warped mirrors surround
She knows that it's over
But is too numb to frown

Her paper bars crumble
She goes down in defeat
In seven colors of lonely
Seven more of deceit

Author notes

As you can see, I used A LOT of the prompts, they really inspired me.
I wrote it this morning, it took about 2 1/2 hours.
I think it's the best poem I've ever written.
I hope you liked it =]

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • xeroabyss II
    September 4

    Edit | Reply
    Dead-Color Dreamscapes, yeah, that's what they seem like.
    Barren, bleak worlds in a lifeless galaxy awaiting its moment to be sucked into a blackhole and crushed infinitely.
    At least the stars in the dark still look wonderful in the silence.


  • forbidden-colour
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    I would of copied and pasted all of this, it was truelly interesting, thank you for entering,
    good luck
    Sophie


  • Antebellum
    July 5
    Edit | Reply
    Good luck

    &&

    thanks so much for entering.

  • Antebellum
    July 2

    Edit | Reply
    a very beautiful write.
    thanks you so much for entering.
    "Her paper bars crumble
    She goes down in defeat
    In seven colors of lonely
    Seven more of deceit"


    I absoultly love this part.


  • Violent Glass
    June 21

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is beautiful! i really enjoyed reading it!
    i can see why it would be your favorite!
    thanx for sharing with me!


  • August Starlight silver member
    May 14
    Edit | Reply
    "Her paper bars crumble
    She goes down in defeat
    In seven colors of lonely
    Seven more of deceit"
    - favorite lines, but it was really hard to choose those lines.
    you rhyme well. it flowed odd in a couple places but overall it's amazing.
    thank you for entering and good luck.


  • Misunderstood
    April 30
    Edit | Reply
    please re-enter


  • Misunderstood
    April 30
    Edit | Reply
    sorry poem have to be remove (prewrite)truly sorry


  • Misunderstood
    April 28
    Edit | Reply
    TRUELY BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN GET SOMEWHERE WITH THIS POEM!!!


  • Night Terrors
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    Awe the torture of living is almost too much to take some days. I think this was extremely touching.


    The Positives:

    Lots of great anologies in this and wonderful metaphores I really loved this poem.


    The Negatives:

    Nothing I can see you really did an amazing job on this.


    My Favorite Part:

    Half-truths are abounding
    Warped mirrors surround
    She knows that it's over
    But is too numb to frown


    This was really deep I love it

    Overall:

    I give this an 8/10 you did great. I hope to see you in my future contests thanks so much for entering.

    ~*~Apathetic Poison~*~

  • HollyLouise
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, i loved it so much, i mean that!

    "Her paper bars crumble
    She goes down in defeat
    In seven colors of lonely
    Seven more of deceit"

    "This diamond-edged darkness
    Against a bruised sky"

    I loved these lines, the use of alliteration in diamond-edged darkness.
    Also saying the sky was bruised really created strong imigery.

    Holly.


  • deadcolor dreams
    April 3

    Edit | Reply

    A lot of people can't rhyme- you can, from what I can see.

    But. there was a slip with "sky" and "lies", "fly" and inside" don't seem to rhyme much eitherand some bits didn't have rhyme at all, or the same rhyme scheme. it was definitely strange, but when you did rhyme, it did not sound forced.

    I'd recommend you try doing sporadic rhyme that isn't endline in the future.

    Don't make the reader expect it in a pattern, unless you're going to keep it a patten.

    Thank you for your entry, and good luck.


  • Ich schreie schreie
    April 3
    Edit | Reply
    This was really awesome!


  • estbelle gold member
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    this is just excellent
    amazing vocab and the way you constructed the images definitely shows your talent in weaving your thoughts in words

    'She's digging for answers
    And tossing out lies'

    the oxymoron quality of this is just brilliant.

1 - 17 of 17