My Final Farewells (Forevers.) LONG!!!

If you listen closely, you'll still hear me whisper to your heart.



Do not be afraid, for I love and loved hard
and nothing can ever take that away from us.
I am not gone, I'm simply hidden
in loves canvased cape, you can see me
if you look hard enough, when you walk in the rain.

Charlene, I never liked you much, but I hope you realise
that mistakes you've made can be changed, or put back.
You have your boys now, live for them, like I died for them
and learn to respect others, you are not the only one who cries,
so don't pretend that others don't know what it's like.
But deep down, I love you and I always have done,
that's why your actions broke me and cut me so much.
Be good to yourself, but be even gooder to others,
it will help you feel happy in your life.

Claire, we went through alot together didn't we?
From Charlene hitting us, to boyfriends hurting us.
We loved eachother, even though we didn't always agree
and we'd both rip each piece of rock out of the earth,
if another person hurt the other one.
I know that you will be sad, but never fear,
I want you to do what I wont be there to do.
Live, love, learn and be happy.
Get married, have kids, grow old,
do all of these life long things for me.
It will not always be the way it feels right now,
but know forever I will love you, longer than the day I died.

Dad, I forgive you for everything to do with Charlene.
I would put my life before yours, I always would've done
and whenever I wasn't with you, I felt part of me was missing.
Your jokes sometimes did make me laugh, but I'd never admit it,
didn't want to give you that little twist of satisfaction.
I miss you now, more than ever.
But I loved our hugs and chats, you teaching me all you know
and protecting me from the things I'd never admit I couldn't handle myself.
I will always be greatful and am proud to call you my Dad.

The rest of the family, I forgive you for your faults
and thank you even more for your blessings.
I know I will miss visiting you, miss watching you grow
and seeing the younger ones have sparkles in their eyes,
like when they do well in exams or fall madly in love.
There is no words to say, that can capture my heart now
but all there is inside my head is hope, is an inner love
that will never wither, nor fade.

Karl, you have hurt me more than words can say
and you can continue blaming me for all your mistakes.
I know you wont cry, as you never cared, but in truth
if you died before me, I'd weep some oceans for you.
I know you have done wrong, some things unforgiveable,
but I still love you dearly, still want you safe from harm.
I know that you have a good side, a beautiful soul
when you work hard and being who you truly are,
I know you will reach a final goal.
I tried to hate you, but failed.
I tried not to love you, but gave up.
But I hope through death you'll realise I did no wrong,
except wanting to save you from yourself.
I wish, hope and dream that you'll think about these words
and perhaps consider trying to change your world,
for the better... I know that you have the strength,
prove to me all my love and sleepness nights were well spent.

Mum, I've known you longer than I've known anyone.
In fact, I've known you before you even knew me,
I've even seen your insides, even though it sounds sick.
But be assured, I miss your heart more than your innards
and I'll miss your love more than I'll miss your bowl discomforts.
But seriously, whenever I was at my worst, you cared
and whenever I felt like giving up, you were there.
I know that there is nobody else I would want to be my Mum,
as you have always made my world, my heart and soul a little brighter.

Steven, I always cared about you, ever since I knew you.
I know it wasn't easy for you to understand, to accept
but I wanted you to just want to hold me.
Although you've hurt me, you've also blessed me,
when I was at my worst in tears, you stayed by my side
stayed on the phone to me all night.
I know not many people would do that, til 5am
and I know I was lucky to find an honest guy.
I know it hurts about all that's happened with Stu
and I don't blame you for being made, or not directly choosing you.
See, matters of the heart breaking me into a million pieces,
for in truth I couldn't break or hurt either of you.
But I know that you can love me like you said you did
and I don't want you to take your life, like you said you would.
I want you to live on, stay strong and love a lot,
I know you have the strength to do that now.

Stuey, I hope that you are not too upset.
Having said that, I'd probably be glad to see some emotion,
but seriously, lets not worry about that.
Forget all the 'you told Dans'
forget the 'you said whats?'
They don't matter anymore, they never did
in truth, I just cared for you with more than I had to give.
I trust you more than anyone, or anything with secrets.
There is not one thing I couldn't tell you, I wouldn't share with you
as I trust you wholely, sincerely and completely.
Darling, missing you isn't going to be easily, just like my family
but I hope you can love me still, but move on and live life like you deserve to.

To everyone else, I know that you judged me sometimes,
know that you laughed with me sometimes,
but I know that we are all just the same as eachother.
So express, work hard and play harder.


***Special short messages***

Ben. Learn to stop blaming your past for the future and you'll live a good present.
Craig. Stop using woman and they'll stop abusing you.
Dan. You have grown up, but keep on growing. You can never do it enough.
Hannah. Let go, let live.
John. Learn to feel and express it. Learn to accept others and address them.



Thanks for reading.
Love to all.