Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Ghostly Prison

An echo reverberates.
A record skips.
Can’t distinguish reality.
Lost in facades and ego trips.

I can hit replay,
But can’t fast forward.
An oasis laughs at me,
But makes me stalwart.

Imprinted is your face,
Like the Shroud of Turin.
It nourishes me,
When I wake each morning.

But will the light be on,
At the end of the tunnel,
Or will it flicker out?
And then I’ll have to find my way out,
When I get out…

I don’t know what will,
Lie up ahead.
I base my suppositions,
Off hope and dread.

Foolish people dwell,
On past conversations.
And create false hope,
Based on accusations.

Its hard not to
Believe in fairy tales.
A nickel-plated friend,
Is there when all fails.

But will the light be on,
At the end of the tunnel,
Or will it flicker out?
And then I’ll have to find my way out,
When I get out…


I rehearse your face,
Like projecting movie stills.
Life without you,
Is what kills.

Automated machine,
Tells me what to say.
But it can’t predict,
If I’ll see you someday.

You said you’d wait,
Not sure about your diction.
But what I know is,
That fate is fiction.

But will the light be on,
At the end of the tunnel,
Or will it flicker out?
And then I’ll have to find my way out,
When I get out…

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Maili Knephthan gold member
    June 1

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely written poem. I liked it very much You have done a very good job on it. Thank you for sharing this write.


  • Zombiefreak13
    May 29
    Edit | Reply
    :]


  • Guerrero
    May 26

    Edit | Reply

    Automated machine,
    Tells me what to say.
    But it can’t predict,
    If I’ll see you someday.

    this part stuck out most to me.beautiful write


  • Shelby K
    May 25
    Edit | Reply
    this was a fantastic poem. thanks for entering and good luck.


  • poetry is soul
    May 24

    Edit | Reply
    this was a good poem... and it really captured how i am feeling right now. i liked some of your choice of words. good job with this poem. it seems like it could almost be a song.


  • SubKitten
    May 15

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very interesting piece. The rhyme scheme was a bit sing-song and detracted from the piece a bit. Also, the line breaks really took away from the flow, and you over-used punctuation. Many of these lines would be better off with no punctuation at the end.

    Or will it flicker out?
    And then I’ll have to find my way out,
    When I get out…

    The repetition of out in this phrase seems rather unfitting and strained. Perhaps rewording this would help that?


  • AutumnGypsy gold member
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    So many quesions this one leaves me with, I liked the way this was written and laid out for the reader. Well done. Best to you in the contest


  • fanaa
    April 23
    Edit | Reply
    loved it...


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    April 20
    Edit | Reply
    "Imprinted is your face,
    Like the Shroud of Turin.
    It nourishes me,
    When I wake each morning.

    But will the light be on,
    At the end of the tunnel,
    Or will it flicker out?
    And then I’ll have to find my way out,
    When I get out…"
    *This poem is very well written, it is creative and just really good. need i say more. I enjoyed reading every single word (:


    • Duce
      April 20
      Edit | Reply
      Hey, thanks for reading. I am glad you liked it. It really means alot to me. I kinda wrote based on how I have been feeling lately.


  • emoempess
    April 19

    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    "Its hard not to
    Believe in fairy tales.
    A nickel-plated friend,
    Is there when all fails"

    love this part..
    but i cant really understand what you ment of your poem....
    "darkside"contest
    "the power of darkness"group

    • Duce
      April 19
      Edit | Reply
      Hey, thanks for reading my poem. The narrator is essentially away from a girl that he really likes. He is questioning whether she will be there for him when he finally gets to see her while fighting a slight depression.

      • emoempess
        April 19
        Edit | Reply

        yah

        i really like the poem...;i dont like a poem that i cant understand...!!!!this poem is amazing..i can really understand and relate of it


        • Duce
          April 19
          Edit | Reply
          awesome, thanks. I wrote it based on personal feelings, so hopefully, the light will still be on for me.


  • nitelite
    April 4
    Edit | Reply

    nice

    dude. like totally awesome. i loved it. the passion. the meaning. the emotion. great i loved it


  • Mademokid
    April 4
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    i really like this poem .... like alot i like the lines

    "You said you’d wait,
    Not sure about your diction.
    But what I know is,
    That fate is fiction.

    But will the light be on,
    At the end of the tunnel,
    Or will it flicker out?
    And then I’ll have to find my way out,
    When I get out…"

    alot you got alot of tallent my friend =)


  • samantha17
    April 2
    Edit | Reply

    nice

    I really like it.

1 - 17 of 17