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Yellow and You

Yellow and you
are more than
mere alliteration.

Halogen lamps
remind me of the streets
where we once kissed,
kids, crazy in love
and blinded by youth.

Gerberas
tied to your tresses
you walked over 
the  yellow sand
like the muse
of every poet.
And yet, I could never
call you a cliché.

All that now remain of you
are yellow teeth
from cigarettes smoked
in your remembrance,
wishing memories were
the yellowing pages
of countless poems
I have written for you.

For, at every transient thought of you
I see halogen lamps, gerbaras and sand
emerging out of rings of smoke
And each time I see the sun,
I simply see your frozen face.


Author notes

the phoenix returns.

Why I chose yellow? I think the poem defines that pretty well.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9
  • Nicole Hanna
    May 3

    Edit | Reply
    I get the yellow. I really do. But is it necessary to have the word "yellow" in there as often as it is? It's almost overkill.

    In the last stanza, for instance, instead of mentioning yellow specifically, I'd rather you tell me what that "yellow" symbolizes. To me, piss is yellow, and I don't want to have to associate this poem with piss, ya know? Now, I DO dig the mention of smokes, because it's a personal favorite subject of mine and I'm qutie partial to it in poetry, but mentioning "remembrance" and "memories" together so closely seems redundant. What are the memories?

    And since the poem is about yellow, I think putting the adjective before the lamps is also redundant. It's understood, because of the title, that the lamps are yellow.

    Anyway, mellow out the obvious references to yellow and this would be quite likeable for me


  • DesolatELifE
    April 7
    Edit | Reply
    I stopped reading after the sixth line because it made me so sad. That's never happened before.

  • angeldreams
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...
    A ver very strong and beautiful write.
    Whole write is amazingly dipped in the shades of yellow.
    Nice contrast and smooth flow.
    Thanks for sharing.
    -Swati

  • SilentMoonlight
    April 2
    Edit | Reply
    This may sound weird but this song reminds me of daffodils; one of their meanings is "The sun is always shining when I'm with you." I really enjoyed how you showed the color through a lifetime of memories all regrets and wants.

    Thats all I can really say this was a beautiful write! Thanks for entering!

    (Out of curiousity how many poems did you enter in this contest?)

1 - 9 of 9